the coffee was sour

feeling my bitterness?
it hurts me too.
im just burning on the inside.

you scare me so much.
that smile i used to love.
it makes me cold.

why?
i wish i asked you that
WHY?!

this is gonna eat at me forever.....talk to me. please.
i miss it.

-taibah out

angel undercover

i seem to get uspet with my thoughts more and more often.
trying to push it all out. to begin fresh. to move on.
cuz thats what we both wanted rite?
wrong.
i dont want to pull it. i tried.
the farther i take steps away, the worse it becomes.
i cant find words anymore.

"are you ok" they'd say
"il be ok" is what i say back to them.

im trying to close the chapters, but its just not working.
still playing with that question that i never asked you.
WHY?!

you scare me so much :(

-taibah out

when we pretend we're dead.

i cant handle this anymore. im barely alive anymore.
thanks to all of you.

i dont want to exist anymore.
im hurting too many people now.

-taibah out

ive been bruised too now.

and so, i didnt cry.
infront of you.
but what happens tonight, is another story.

i forgot to ask the most important question. WHY?
i need not go in further details about that...

when you walked away, i wasnt satisfied. cuz i didnt hear the answers i was looking for. but perhaps, maybe, those answers never existed in the first place.

ive let my mind to be taken over. and yes, mistakes.
and i think perhaps some of the things i say might have hurt you.

i feel as thought you haven't quite discovered yourself. that you're holding a wall infront of you. not that im saying you ARE a wall, or its like im talking to a wall. you just choose to hold up a wall infront of you. that wall of fear i think. fear of being taken badly in someone elses eyes.

i used to say this for myself. but now il say it for you too: risk the damn emotions.
not for my sake. YOUR sake.

i wont ever forget you, no matter which ways our paths are going.
remember that.

-taibah out

Like a game of chess

like a game of chess,
you were suppose to follow the rules.

like MY game of chess,
ive dared you to move.

like OUR game of chess,
you sit back, quiet, focused.

like YOUR game of chess,
you KNEW what you were doing.

like YOUR game of chess,
you KNEW what you were after and what you wanted.

like YOUR game of chess,
you feel no pity for your opponent.

like OUR game of chess,
you played with me.

like a game of chess,
only 1 person wins.

like THIS game of chess,
the winner will be me.

-taibah out.

almost there

Not knowing how to think

I scream aloud, begin to sink

My legs and arms are broken down

With envy for the solid ground

I'm reaching for the life within me

How can one man stop this ending

I thought of just your face

Relaxed, and floated into space

*sigh*

:(

-taibah out

let the sunshine in

Seeing a smile on your face was so distant to me. Almost unknown, as if I was meeting you for the first time.

Im still learning how to blink back tears.

My thoughts were such a blur when I sat down.

I just wasn’t ready to do it yet. I hadn’t lined it all up yet.

To say whatever I wanted to, to tell you what the past few nights and days have been like.

Had it never happened, I would’ve been living back in my fantasy world.

Im kinda glad confrontations like that happen. But it’s only productive if you’re actually confident and know what to say. Doesn’t work when one person is a walking nervous wreak. You honestly caught me off guard. I debated for minutes with the text message.

I saw you looking for shooting stars, sitting in that sleazy bar. Things aren’t ever just what they seem. I know that something inside us is dying.

As usual, you played well. Impossible to read. What did you see that was written across my face? Those weren’t awkward silences, they were painful ones. We’re speechless, stunned and scared. Perhaps angered, maybe at one point felt sadness? Quickly, that sadness was turned into anger, and hatred. But not at you, at myself. It was always hard to ever be upset with you. You were much too perfect to criticise. I thought so anyways.

Maybe none of this matters to you…

But it isn’t over yet. Today was just the start of it…my waiting is over. I had been holding for so long. I was waiting way too long. Just waiting alone. Waiting for much too long.

For THIS I was waiting much too long. The waiting is done.

-taibah out