3 Subject

been awhile since i wrote a nice blog post....

life has indeed been spinning. and rather then sit around and cry and complain about it, you're suppose to tackle it and tell the world how strong you really are. struggle and submission. wow.

im starting a new job on monday. alhumdulliah. after such a long time, things are finally starting to change for me. i hope to sleep easy now. i used to think 2008 was a crazyyy year, but im stunned to see how 2009 has been playing out. subhanallah. you literally have to expect the unexpected.

ive learned to become selfish. but not with the intention to hurt others. but rather, not let them hurt me. its a dark world. savage. disgusting. and evil. people arent as innocent as they look. what happens in their minds will alway remain a mystery to me. not everybody thinks the same way i do, and thats something i need to keep reminding myself. people are generally born stupid. but its the incidents and experiances in thier lives that keep them categorized into that group called 'decent/normal'. very few exist in that category.

im looking forward to a day to smile to.

-taibah out

this time, things wont be ok

did i ever think in my life? ever?
did i ever use my head?
most likely no.

for once in my life, i have absolutely no one to turn to.
i look around my room and his words from the weekend came back , "we live in a materialistic world and happiness is considered money and items"
what good are these things to me now?

i had worked all day to keep myself happy, and pretend i was satisfied.
but was i really?
what good are these things to me now?

im 20 years old. yet my mind is still playing in dreamland. everything was a "oh well" or "i got time". thinks always seemed to be turning out ok. but did i ever think, for just a moment, that things wont be ok.

it isnt gonna be ok this time.

-taibah out

the coffee was sour

feeling my bitterness?
it hurts me too.
im just burning on the inside.

you scare me so much.
that smile i used to love.
it makes me cold.

why?
i wish i asked you that
WHY?!

this is gonna eat at me forever.....talk to me. please.
i miss it.

-taibah out

angel undercover

i seem to get uspet with my thoughts more and more often.
trying to push it all out. to begin fresh. to move on.
cuz thats what we both wanted rite?
wrong.
i dont want to pull it. i tried.
the farther i take steps away, the worse it becomes.
i cant find words anymore.

"are you ok" they'd say
"il be ok" is what i say back to them.

im trying to close the chapters, but its just not working.
still playing with that question that i never asked you.
WHY?!

you scare me so much :(

-taibah out