in whos arms....will the story continue?

taibah is sad. yet again.

i know its perhaps really pathetic of me to feel this way now. but sometimes you cant help to admit certain things or tell others how you feel.

ive decided im never gonna tell anyone again how i really feel.
"you're sensitive"
well guess what? i cant help it. ive grown up my entire life with a soft heart and its so tender it falls apart easily. and im girl too! we're suppose to be soft about some things, esp when it comes to...certain things.

it;ll be a full year this winter since both my older sisters have gotten married.

ive been requested to collect photos from close friends and family from the weddings. Its nice to go back into the photos and re-live the emotions and story all over again. As draining as it is, each photo means so much cause my mind was elsewhere thoes days.

i realize there arent many photos of me.
and the ones that ive come across are just the back of hands or a small snip of my face or just a blurry side-profile or a few family shots.

was my speech really not worthy enough for anyone to take pics of that?

*sniff*

-taibah out

your card aint declined, its stolen.

Allah SWT has created the human body in such perfection. HE is right, everything was created for a purpose. Our hands, our limbs, our organs, they function together, everything. Dig deep into yourself; viens and a gazillion other tubes and storage areas, CELLS and DNA, its mindblowing.

But its inside YOU! and its inside ME!

What else is inside us that is also mindblowing?
...
..
.
you guessed it :D
taibah's favorite topic: Emotions.

Yes, we have this "thing" inside us, our hearts, our minds, our souls, our brains. Its the voice playing again and again in your head, its the thing that makes you stop and forget where you're going. Its the thing that makes you really happy or makes you really sad. Its the thing that controls and grows into us. It sticks to us closely and folds itself into our thoughts so casually that you dont even realize it happened.

Ever read that poem about Habits? ill post it up soon. The best line in the poem : Habits will either make us or break us.

guess what emotions do?

they either make us or break us.

OK, im on an emotional high rite now....must...go...to...sleep. okthanksbye!
-taibah out

and hot sauce after the patty? ahhh, my dear, you remembered this time.

sometimes i wish i wasnt a girl

*sobs*

-taibah out

HS or 1X? WHERE IS THE NETWORK?!

my dad got himself a texting plan. heres how a convo went the other night. we were sitting in the same room.

dad: do u wrk today? wat time?
me: no i dont, i work friday at 8:45-5:45
dad: go to sleep now
me: can i sleep in on saturday?
dad: wat a plan
me: thanks for your approval!
dad: wat approval?
me: nevermind, im going to bed. sham bakhair :)
dad: salaam betii

i seriously love the world of texting. its soooooo simple to use and easy to get caught up in. i highly recommend the unlimted texting bundles you get, i used to have the 100per week, but i seem to cleanout my inbox every 3 days....

my dad walked out of my room last night with a full bag of M&Ms he "borrowed" from me.
i want some. now.

-taibah out

i

why do all my favorite cool people have to have class when im not??
le sigh.

i hate sitting alone, thank god for taptap, otherwise id be bored out of mind.
someone told me i should name my phone slide-slide, thats the dumbest name ive ever heard for a phone! i was thinking of naming it something cool sounding. i shall figure something out soon for that.

right now im on campus, i just finished praying dhur salat, it was alittle difficult to concentrate on the actual prayer cause someone on the guys side was vacumming the room. i realized that was my job, but today im in no mood to do more chores.

i LOVE vaccuming. i got my parents a vaccume as a gift, i just HAD to buy it. its a pretty nice looking for a vaccume. its blue, if it were a person, id call it pretty sexy. nothing is more satisfying when doing chores at home, then seeing that vaccume filter work its magic and fill up that no-bag zone with piles of dust and other nasties.

another satisfying feeling when doing house chores, is when you're using Vim to clean the bathroom faucets. Whoever created Vim is a total genius. I prefer the gel mixture than the 'cream' one.

Windex is pretty awesome stuff too. same with Tilex.
this morning i vaccumed. it was good times.

in other news, im not looking forward to working full time hours beginning next week. gotta make sure i can even attend the eid prayer. man, if i cant attend the eid prayer id go depressed for an entire year! oh wait...i think i already am :P

-taibah out

ps. my favorite people seem to walk out temporary from my life at the wrong times. WHY DO I GET SO DAMN ATTACHED TO YOU?!
:(

arent you tired yet tibz?

you are everything.
YOU ARE!
lol

how last night was fun times, making pizza and getting drunk off sprite LOL (insider). Did you really think i would risk meeting up that late at night with you? of course i would :D My darling, you are just amazingly random, i love you.

and because of you, i woke up with my phone gripped in my hand. I laughed, noticing how i was about to respond to your last text "i love vanilla pudding too".

"thats abit of a jump, 3 years to 3 months. are you thinking 3 weeks or 3 days?"
"nah, i was thinking 3 seconds"
hahahahahaaaa

-taibah out

ps. the above makes no sense.

i like it. i like it.
i really do.
i like it. i like it.

-taibah out

i lost the guide.

last night i went to the masjid for taraweeh prayers. Sadly, it was the first one ive attended this entire month.

as i finished praying isha and merely sat around with my back against the piller, i looked up at the ceiling but had no idea what was making me do that. i thought of all the events from the day. the appointment, going to school, attending jummah, the msn convo and the phone call, the bus ride home, the walk to safeway, the text msg's, making chip-dip with my siblings.

i thought of the khutbah i heard earlier in the day, Khushoo. Subhanallah, it was such a good reminder. Words from the khatib played over and over again in my head for the reminder of the day. On the bus ride home, a girl behind me sat crying and talking into her phone.

"Sometimes it really gets to me" she says.

I leaned my head agaisnt the window and watched the road, covered in cracks and holes. As each stop we pass, i tell myself again and again, ive been crying for all the wrong reasons.

***

standing in prayer at the masjid, it was astonishingly calming.
i felt chills go down my spine.
it ends and i wished for more.

Ya Allah, thank you for Ramadhan.

-taibah out

confused again and again

did i bring myself into such a mess? am i truly the one to blame this time? for once, i am speechless. i never aimed to displease, and i refuse to disappoint, but i guess it happens sometimes.

to the broken hearts:
im sorry.
what else do you want me to say?

-taibah out :(

clouds in my coffee

utterly exhausted, but what else is new? lol

i made a chocolate trifle for my sister's iftar party, it was a hit as it beat her cheesecake as dessert time rolled around :D how can ANYONE resist it? brownies layered in between coolwhip, fudge chocolate pudding, condensed milk and Dove chocolate. ohh yummmmmmmmmmmmmm!

i also threw together a punch while at her house just minutes before guests began to show up. I took one frozen can of fruit punch and a frozen can of cranberry juice. I prepared the juices as normally done, however i used only 2 cups of water on each juice, rather than the usual 3. i threw in both juices into a punch bowl and grabbed a 2L bottle of some ginger ale, emptied the entire thing in. I went back to the fridge to see if i could find something else to throw into the punch bowl, i settled on cut strawberries :)

i was nervous to try the punch as there was lots of it, yet i had no idea what i was doing. It was simply toss and trial. I can confidently say, that punch was AWESOME!!! I didnt get a second cup of it while i went up to grab some during dinner :(

last night was good times, im exhuasted.

-taibah out

i wish i was a pixie.

i feel lonely.
wild one? where are you?

:(

-taibah out

*sniff*

TAX TIME!!!

sooo, i havent filed my taxes for 2006 or 2007. no biggie, i have 10 years for each one to complete. I started doing my taxes afew weeks ago, having 7 T4's infront of me, i decided to do everything manually so i can use the concepts ive learned in FA2 to get everything done.

It took 3 days to complete for 2006. To which i had to call Canada Revenue for something, they informed me i was short 2 more T4 slips. what happens now? they tell me they'd mail me my missing documents within 3 days. In reality however, it took over a week for me to get the package.

After today, i have the rest of the week off from the office! Not only will i catch up on much needed sleep, now i must devote time to get my taxes done. Perhaps i should do my laundry too? i think im running out of clothes. I should also get my papers ready for my IST project, which begins first week of october, i hate HP Laptops, this is gonna be fun times in the office :( Our go-live date is october 21st.

I now have officially one hour to grab some sleep before i must wake up to get ready for work. Im gonna snuggle into bed now :)

-taibah out

my tummy hurts :(

6hours of overtime this past weekend at work. i hate how everyone took vacation time all at the same time. my next day off isnt till this thursday, where ima SLEEP ALL DAY!

sleep is my ecstasy.
pray for me :(

-taibah out

my eyes twitch so much it hurts

being all alone today in the office was more of a nightmare than adventure. but thats expected on a saturday. i was falling apart by the time i got out.

i started work at 6am today.
i worked 12 hours.
thank god for overtime.

-taibah out

a day of loss

today,
was an adventure.

after praying fajr, i dozed off for abit and set my alarm to awake at 7am. I ended up getting out of bed by 7:30am. After getting dressed and finding my office keys, im on my way to work by 8:15. The drive to work was rather eventful, I saw an EAGLE!

Subhanallah, id love to see one upclose like that again.
Which reminds me, yesterday as im chatting on the phone with a friend and getting my bag ready for school, i glanced outside my bedroom window and noticed something colored on the pinetree in the front yard. I looked closely and realized it was a yellow bird! Another Subhanallah moment lol.

Once i got to work, i began my usual tasks. I accidentally locked my keys in the office and had to run around looking for someone that could get me back in. I normally dont get "down-time" at work, other than lunchbreak, mostly cause i have my own way of finishing my tasks which are slightly time consuming.

Today i got some downtime while i waited for a coworker to verify my reports. I normally keep my phone sitting just below my monitor but elevated using a LARGE stack of Post-It notes which are covered in The Home Depot logo. I keep it elevated so that it catches my attention whenever a call or msg comes my way.

today, not a single call or msg. at all.
i thought my phone was broken. so i decided to call telus on my lunch break.

lunch break rolls around and i called *611, which SHOULD have connected me to telus customer service, instead, i got connected to MTS Mobility.

Puzzeled, i stayed on the line and wasnt able to talk to anyone from MTS or telus. I hope telus realizes how PARANOID i was all DAY.

i love my phone because my friends live in it :D
.
in other news: a bird flew into the office today. pure chaos and pandemonium. i loved it.

-taibah out

i be walking in my sleep

-taibah out

purple leaves

Do not count the thorns in your fingers but be grateful for the bones in them. In three words I can sum up everything I have learned about life : It goes on.

This world is not respectable. It is mortal, tormented, confused, deluded forever; but it is shot through with beauty, with love, with glints of courage and laughter; and in these, the spirit blooms timidly, and struggles to the light amid the thorns. Do not disturb my happiness with your doubts. Life is too short....so kiss slowly.....love deeply.....and forgive quickly One must not lose desires. They are the mighty stimulants of creativity, of passion and of love. If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is a compromise. My imagination is my one weapon in my war against reality. Risk! Risk anything! Care no more for the opinions of others, for those voices. Do the hardest thing on earth for you. Act for yourself. Face the truth. Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved. I can't believe that God put us on this earth to be ordinary. All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think, we become. I slept, and dreamed that life was Beauty, I woke, and found that life was Duty. Was thy dream then a shadowy lie? Toil on, poor heart, unceasingly; And thou shalt find thy dream to be A truth and noonday light to thee.

“Our lives are not determined by what happens to us but by how we react to what happens, not by what life brings us, but by the attitude that we bring to life. A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events and outcomes. It is a catalyst, a spark that creates extraordinary results. – Anon

"Excellence is the result of caring more than others think is wise, risking more than others think is safe, dreaming more than others think is practical, and expecting more than others think is possible." – Anon

About Me: Brought up in dark world...inspired by darkness..till light came into my world...blinded at first but now i can see the world with my light..until it left and never came back...i was left alone in the dark again but soon i started radiating my own light...

A friend showed me this, to which i really enjoyed reading.
I'll have to write another post about this again soon.

-taibah out

shattered mirrors

i tried not to cry this time. but i couldnt control myself.
salty tears, as i taste them this time.
one after another they run down my face, unable to stop, the words dont stop.

broken networks, slamming doors, and cellphones.
fragments are what i walk on.

makeup stained white shirts
grey tie
broken smiles, what more can i do?

just break me. end it now.
i dont mend souls.
im sorry.

-taibah out

ps.
when you least expect it, life flips on you. enjoy your happiness, smile and cherish each other. before it just drops and falls down. and leaves you in darkness.

shoot me.

-taibah out

too young to be old

I woke up this morning, very sore and crazy tired (i guess thats what happens when you're texting a friend till 4am). It was a true struggle functioning and trying to get through my morning routine, of washing up, finding clean clothes and putting my bag together.

I stood in front of the mirror squinting at myself. i debated weather it was really necessary or not to do my makeup. so i didnt :D

i said to myself "today is gonna be a good day".
smiled.

*flicks hijab*

-taibah out

shes not physcotic.

-taibah out

omigosh

and i finished sliding the last folder into the filing cabinet. i glance at the clock.
WOW, im done 30mins early.

this NEVER happens.
like.
EVER.

its amazing what happens when you spend most of the day with your mouth shut and mind cleared and remembering the month of Ramadhan.

beautiful indeed.

-taibah out