waiting and wishing

i frosted my nails again. they look hot.
i love how they look like satin.

-taibah out

fleece blankets and jones sodas

havent written a good blog post in awhile...

been busy/lazy.
i dont know if thats really possible to be lazy AND busy at the same time. but guess what? in taibah's world ANYTHING is possible :)
so yeah, been busy/lazy.

exams got in the way earlier this month, as was my term assignment for one of my business law classes. but alhumdulliah, those classes are over now. no more case studies, retarded papers, and boring readings to suffer with. However, group study sessions were productive this year, better than last year i find, maybe cuz everyone else was older and more mature...hmm, oh wells.

my sister, brother inlaw and niece came to visit for 2 weeks. i enjoyed their visit very much. its strange seeing a baby hangout at my house. A walk down the hallway to my bedroom was pretty interesting during this time. you'd always see a baby sock or one of baby's face towels lying around in the hall. It was pretty cute actually, i just wasnt used to it.

its a habit of mine to sleep really late, i normally fall asleep between the hours of 1am-5am. usually, the house is dead quiet during these hours. However, during my niece's visit, it was kinda different. As im busily doing something useless and boring in my room id hear her cry during the night at odd hours.

it was really sad when their visit was over. but insha allah ill be seeing them again really soon.

in other news, i want to get my eyebrow pierced. the parents have said no, but that might change rite? hmmmmm.

-taibah out

and we laughed so hard it hurt!

Her: never marry for money because one day god can take it away
Her: and then what will you have
Me: ....his parents?
Me: LOL
Me: im sorry
Me: :S
Her: HAHAHAHAH
Her: OMG
Her: HAHAHAHAHAH
Her: THAT WAS SO FUNNY
Her: DEAR GOD
Her: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
Me: lol
Me: dude, im pathetic, im sorry
Her: seriously though
Her: that was gold
Her: im not even kidding
Me: lol

-taibah out

'im sovy for everything'

and its ended.
and its what i wanted rite?
yes. it is.
and its ended.
then why, god why, do i feel like crying?
too late. the tear drops have started.
and its ended.
you said trust?
what the hell is there to trust?
and its ended.
i wont sink that low.
i dont sink that low.
you do, though.
and its ended.

yes, its ended.
did it?
really really ended?

yes.
its come to an end.

happy now?

do i say yes? its what i wanted. its what i always wanted.

thanks.

-taibah out

blow out the matches this time

health.
oh dear god, i beg you now, TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOUR HEALTH!!!
being drained all the time aint fun anymore :(
neither are the blood tests and endless pokes and prod's at the doctor's office :(

iA, ill be ok. right?
:(

-taibah out

ending up in all the wrong places

as if you're walking around with eyes glued shut, you crash into things and then you can get hurt.
i feel as if some people are living life with their eyes shut. but that's their fault, not mine. right?

lately, ive been keeping certain things replay over and over again in my head. for example, the quote that id love to carve into my skin someday: Takes a lifetime to earn respect, takes a second to lose it. Every step matters. Time is zipping right past me so quickly, and its running out. What would happen tomorrow? Anything.

-taibah out

steamboat cafe

"...and so now im stuck being a person i dont want to be"

but whos fault is that? who told you to keep pretending to be someone you werent?

ouch, my neck and back ache alot.
i havent rested properly for the past month or so. i barely have the time to sleep to let my body relax and rest the way it used to. Id love to spend an entire day sleeping, to re-generate that energy inside me by closing my eyes and letting myself fall into a deep deep sleep and where i can dream of flying carpets and dancing flowers and punch fountains and eating grapefruit :)

-taibah out

jasmine scented candles, yum!

im sooo exhausted all the time, and i dont even know why.
actually i do,
life is just so tiring at the moment.

exams are nearby so ive been busy with school and studying.
family is another thing, been madly busy with that.

ill write again soon.
something good iA.
-taibah out

challluu

i turned my bedroom into a sauna lastnight.
turned up the heater on High and MAX heat and kept the bedroom door shut for several hours.
i walked out of my room with my capris and a tshirt, and nearly froze trying to grab a towel from the hall closet.

haha
anyways,
so taibah? howz life?
umm, it sucks. as usual. but guess what, they're called Temporary Fitnahs, so its just a matter of patience and remembering Allah during these times.

i had sushi on monday night. it was gross. im never gonna try it again. the waitress mixed up my tray with my sisters. i ate 2 rolls of tuna. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. i ordered the Tempura Yam rolls, they were edible. I find that sushi doesnt have much taste.

campus life is pretty scary, esp these days. its troubling trying to find the right people to call "friends".

i find im starting to lose my patience level more and more frequently. I dont know how that happens, but i get mad much quicker and im a 'Little Miss Grumpy Pants' for weeks at a time. Perhaps its just stress?
back in highschool health class, they gave us a session on Stress and dealing with it. Step 1: Find the root of your stress. Problem is, i cant find the root..

ok i lied.
i do know the root, but i guess im the only one responsible/capable of changing it to something better. im pretty lazy these days, i need to grasp moments as they come. NO ONE IS WAITING FOR ME!!! its only me that decides what i want in my life, its only upto a certain point that i rely on my parents to make decisions for me right?

im freakin 2o years old.
and its time to stop dreaming.
reality hits me in the face daily, right now, yesterday, last year, last decade. always.

holy crap, this year has just been sooooo freakin insane :(
-taibah out

boys have cooties

hahaaha,
i love my family.
:D

-taibah out

ps. ill write a long blog post tomorrow, the past few weeks were sooo hectic and insanely tiring. And these next few weeks will be too.

espresso deprived.

-taibah out

everythings waiting for you

its 5:11am rite now.
its sleepytime, but someone isnt feeling sleepy.

-taibah out

keeps gettin' better eh?

its pretty late at night rite now, and im starting to question why i dont let myself enjoy the sweet hours of sleep that i keep ignoring? what exactly am i staying awake for? absolutely nothing. im having odd cravings, and its driving me crazy cuz i cant feed these cravings away. its nothing dramatic, its just pretzels and bagels. gotta pick some up next time im in safeway.

this week is gonna be VERY productive insha allah. i get kinda sleepy thinking about it, but what other choices do i have? im still kinda iffy about my health rite now, i still go through lots of physical pain, but ive tolerated alot of it so far. insha allah, everything should be ok. right? insha allah. i dont wanna be another pin cushion at the doctors :(

in between papers and readings for school, im trying REALLY hard to squeeze time in for my friends, but i think its failing miserably. oh wells, i guess campus life does that to people at some point. ive let go on some people, at the time i felt terrible, but now that i look back, ill smile cuz it was one of the best decisions ive ever made in my life.
im not a bad friend, ive just learned to see whats more healthy for me and my poor poor soul.

another new thing on my mind, being an emo! lol no i dont slit my wrists, but im LOVING the haircut :P

-taibah out

route numba'75

-taibah out

A baby is born

Raessa Zenab Alexander
November 8, 2008

Welcome to the world my beautiful niece, ive waited a long time to see you, and hear you. And ill be waiting to hold you.
Keep smiling, I love you.

-taibah out

im riding a bus at night. mama?

i dont call my mother mama, i call her mom.
and i do ride buses at night, but rarely. and it depends where and why.

the other night i stayed later than usual on campus, i was working on my paper about Oral-B, the toothbrush company. When i finally finished it it was 5:30ish. The bus i wanted comes at 5:48. I rushed to pack up my papers and laptop, by the time i walked out of UC the time was 5:43.

It was dark outside, and this surprised me. I didnt have a jacket, just another one of my funky sweater zip-ups. i pulled the hood over my head and popped my hands into my pockets. Walking towards the bus stop was....beautiful.

Picture this, its rainy, you've got a backpack on, you've got no jacket, you're walking along a neatly paved walkway. alone. surrounded by trees, the only noise you hear in between the wind is the passing of some cars and buses. I stood outside the bus shelter, despite the fact my fingers were frozen. I stared at the tree behind me.

I cried. but it was a good cry.
Subhanallah moments.
gotta love'em

-taibah out

paranoidddd?

just dance.

i LOVE my emo hair :D

-taibah out

oh. wow.

"do you realize how many great things we've witnessed in our lifetime?"

she nodded back at me.

-taibah out

*crack*

teardrops of toxic champagne?

i smell a haircut...

:D

-taibah out

ps. i LOVE making no sense when i write hehehe

sleepless nights again? i wonder why....

the msn was off, facebook was on 'log out' and i dragged my books and laptop to the dining table. the red roses from my birthday sit peacefully in a vase on the dining table. next to that sits a candle stand holding 3 blue candles. they smell like soap. the right pocket of my sweater holds my cellphone and its on Silent. i keep glancing back at it to check if he would finally respond back to my text. Ive learned he rarely responds.

hours passed as im busily typing, reading and thinking. my green highliter isnt as juicy as it once was, this bothers me. I decided to take a quick break, i walk into the kitchen and pull open the fridge. i glance around, and finally pull out this new juice the rest of my family is hooked on. FiveAlive Pomegranate Citrus. I pour a nice tall glass of the maroon-ish colored drink and grab some crackers and cheese.

While sipping my juice and munching away at my crackers, i began planning my outfit for tomorrow. what socks? what shoes? i still need to find my white belt. What do i layer the red shirt with? which hijab?

soon my fingers are back to my laptop keyboard. ive jumped into google and then type 'hijabi' into the search engine. For the next 2 hours ive abandoned my books and research topic. As im surfing through different websites, ive somehow gotten into several blogs of "former muslims".

the de-conversion stories are mind blowing, shocking, offensive and rather disturbing, in the sense as to how people like the ones ive read about actually exist and take pride in becoming atheists.

I began reading the de-conversion story of one girl. Hers i found to be the most puzzling. I couldnt find a base, and i couldnt figure out where the major "turn-off" was that she had run into that had made her decide to leave Islam. It was chilling and quite sad.

He texts me "get some sleep. atheists were always *ucked in the head. you know it"
i dont respond.

-taibah out

infidel to die for...

innocent until proven guilty right?
WRONG!
im guilty. no questions asked. im a girl too, so i don't have a voice either. apparently.

its like that saying "if he lite the match sooner, he wouldn't have died"

but then again, this isn't the first time ive been accused of something that i wasnt responsible for.

heres a message for you:
Keep stabbing me. Lets see how long i last.

"you and your honest face"

-taibah out

spin spin spin!

im trying very hard to make sense of everything. and everyone.
there are way too many people in my life that i gotta keep up with and i hate falling behind.

work, school, family. work, school, family. work, school, family.

ahhh, life :)

-taibah out

yeh sazaaa hai - this is punishment.

ive been trying to struggle through, with everything i do for you. thats how you live your life. when they call you a struggle child...

can life not get any more stressful than it needs to be? or did we just walk into 'stress-clouds' on our own? maybe we just set this up for ourselves, blindly, not even realizing it.

sometimes it feels like im being held down by something. that i cant slip out of a knot that im stuck in. like my shoes are glued to the ground and im not going forwards nor backwards or in any other direction. perhaps its a good thing? i dont know...

i sat outside today. and realized what beauty there is in just watching an empty, leafless tree. that too is glued to the ground. its not moving forwards nor backwards. and its being held down by something too.

what if we gave the tree a chance to move around?
all i want is a chance. thats it. why crush my dreams like this?

a chance. please. thats it.

-taibah out

adulthood?

i dreaded this day my entire life.
today, i turned 20.

i dont feel any different, other than slightly weirded out. im 20.
it scares me. how quickly times flies. when i turned 10, i certainly didnt picture myself the way i am today.

i had so many dreams to accomplish. my career plans changed as i looked back at my younger teenage years. holy crap! im not a teenager anymore :(

duck (yes, i wanted to be a duck when i was 3), clown (age 4) , store manager (age 7), gym teacher (age 8), graphic designer (age 12), elementary school teacher (age 14), commercial pilot (age 16), and now accountant (age 17).

i think i had quite the imagination as a child and even throughout my early teens.

im 20. i cant believe it. where do i see myself in 10 years? *cringe* or even 5 years?
obviously id be married by then, might even be a mom too. ill be an aunty for sure, not sure how many nieces or nephews ill have, hopefully LOTS!

welcome to adulthood taibah, theres no turning back :(

-taibah out

im a pin cushion. literally.

today i could not wake up and get out of bed. and its not like i went to bed late last night either. hmmm. strange.
i had a doctors appointment today, got the 'ok' to officially head back to work this week. this week is gonna be crazy insane, i can tell. its in the air. im gonna have some intense transit rants soon. oh dear :(

it was good at the doctors today. i didnt even have to sit and wait to be called in, cuz everything was running on time today. lucky for me i guess. i also realized today, how i cant stand the sight of someone filling containers up with MY BLOOD! my feet hurt as i watched. and then i couldnt move my arm as he let me out.

i wanted subway for lunch today, but after grocery shopping and doing other errands, i was too tired to go.

ima go shred some cheese..

-taibah out

writers love

take me back down that pathway,
you know,
the one filled with smiles and laughter?
the one you and i spent so much time on?
yeah, that one.

feels weird being the prisoner tonight doesn't it?
i cant see outside the windows anymore
the sky, i miss it.
its emptiness, vast and free, no limits.
im helpless. tiny.

stay happy in the shadows and no harm will reach you.
be sure to untwist yourself if you remember how.
and always remain emotionless at all times.
its the last thing you'll ever want, help that is.
dont forget to smile, that fake one.

-taibah out
*writers notebook entry :)

cuz talk is cheap

im still sick. according to the latest trip to the doctors last night, im still pretty brutal. the new pills are strong, they knock me out good.

my parents are worried this time. i am too.

-taibah out

this morning

flashing blue and red lights filled my bedroom ceiling. i heard sirens too. i thought i was dreaming so i pushed myself to fall asleep again.

why do you call me at such strange hours? i miss you too :D
im unable to talk as it induces me cough like a maniac for minutes straight.

still sick :(
-taibah out

yellow sheets and heating pads.

i cant even count how many half-full glasses of orange juice i have placed all over my room.

thankfully, bronchitis is slowly ever so slowly coming to an end. its been a brutal week. i was quarantined at home, mostly in my bedroom. ive had insane rushes in my head everytime id try to stand up and often it felt like my diaphragm was ready to give up on me. ive been pretty lonely too :(


i head back to work on monday insha allah.

-taibah out

so.much.pain

gotta say, worst morning ever.

my friend called me at 5:30am, thankfully the phone was silent and i slept through the vibrate and ringer.

i got up to pray fajr, and the moment i sat up in bed, i knew it was gonna be rough today. pain. it hurt me so much. Im shivering in my bathrobe, yet i have a heater PLUS the entire house heat on. I make wudu and pray, and im just throwing off my bathrobe to slide back into bed when i hear the doorbell.

WHO ON EARTH?!

im in bed at this point and much too sore to move around anymore. i hear my uncle's voice, i guess he flew in last nite from toronto? i tell myself ill meet him later, cuz the pain inside me was growing worse and worse.

Im trying sooooo hard to fall asleep, but again, the pain. Finally i cant take it anymore and grab my phone and dial my own home phone number. My brother answeres, i tell him to bring me some meds, ANYTHING. He shows up with a glass of water and advil.

Advil didnt work. i guess cause i hadnt eaten before that.

Hours pass and im still awake. in fetal position. Begging for the pain to just stop :(
*cries*

Finally, i grab my phone again, and call my house lol. Mom answers, shes kinda ticked i havent eaten anything yet still took an advil. She walks into my room with a hot parathaa, fresh made julab gamin, and cut fruit.

She asks me to sit up, so i can eat.
I sit up.
Trouble begins.

I leaped rite out of bed and made it to the washroom within 4 steps.
The metal from the sink faucet feels nice and cold on my forehead.

im REALLY sick.
pray for me :(

-taibah out

im sick.

chills, flu/fever? intense body temperature changes.

ive been cold for 3 days straight. anytime i put anything in my mouth, it stings my throat.
the only thing i crave is orange juice. my dad got me 5 different kinds today. along with a HUGE amount of chocolate!

while watching Muqaam, on PTV Global, my dad walks into the room and sets down a glass of orange juice, in a wine glass. he's garnished it with lime and adds a straw. its for me. i felt so amazingly special at that moment.

the juice is too cold for me to drink me, so it takes me about half an hour to drain my wineglass.

rite now, im FROZEN to the bone. anyone wanna give taibah a warm bearhug, cause thats the next thing on my list of cravings.

-taibah out.

you're hot then you're cold.

you're wrong when its right.

anyways, not much happening in the world of Taibah today. Other than im so poor today i cant afford lunch :(
i COULD use my bus fare money to buy something but....how would i get home?

OF ALL DAYS TO FORGET MY WALLET :(

i should perhaps sift through my entire bag, i might find some money....ugh, im so pathetic :(

last year, when i was campus, i would easily mooch money off my sisters. None of them are here anymore now. Sometimes, it felt like i had to pay for everything, maybe it was the other way around? In anycase, i miss studying and simply texting one of them "can you bring me a donut and some juice? im in the law library".

i miss seeing them on campus. its kinda like an emptiness inside me rite now, of all days eh? the day i feel most helpless.

-taibah out

oh zaraa zaraa nache dekhaaaaaaaa *jump*

LOL
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAA!

i CANNOT stop laughing of how much of a RETARD you really are.

ya thats rite, your LOGIC was full of CRAP!

-taibah out :D

in the shadows i despise

i sleep each night with a headache. and with fear it'll turn into a migrane. someone told me to be careful or else ill wake up with a bad case of something called the "dizzies".

im so glad last week is over. it was eventful, tiring, and memorable all at once.
im eating these wickid '2-bite brownies' rite now. Chewy goodness indeed.

i feel like im waiting for something, that i have to go somewhere. its making me impatient. and its really frustrating trying to tell myself, thats there isnt anything or anyplace i need to go. Then why wont my mind accept this?

perhaps im just tired.
nothing is making sense lately.
ive got no one and nothing to blame.

is this life? is this the way it should be?
it goes on.
dont wait for me this time.

-taibah out

let it rock, let it rock, let it ROCK!

i hear the doorbell, soon the relatives will all be inside my house.
im on my bedroom floor.
im still in my pj's, my clothes are ironed and are neatly sitting on my bed.

brace yourself....

-taibah out

Eid Mubarak!

dreams, arent what they used to be.
-taibah out

pretty dance the night away love....

my FACE hurts so much from crying. and thats prob. something Advil cant fix.

im falling. and its starting to pain me so much.

i just want someone to believe me....anyone? please?

-taibah out

in whos arms....will the story continue?

taibah is sad. yet again.

i know its perhaps really pathetic of me to feel this way now. but sometimes you cant help to admit certain things or tell others how you feel.

ive decided im never gonna tell anyone again how i really feel.
"you're sensitive"
well guess what? i cant help it. ive grown up my entire life with a soft heart and its so tender it falls apart easily. and im girl too! we're suppose to be soft about some things, esp when it comes to...certain things.

it;ll be a full year this winter since both my older sisters have gotten married.

ive been requested to collect photos from close friends and family from the weddings. Its nice to go back into the photos and re-live the emotions and story all over again. As draining as it is, each photo means so much cause my mind was elsewhere thoes days.

i realize there arent many photos of me.
and the ones that ive come across are just the back of hands or a small snip of my face or just a blurry side-profile or a few family shots.

was my speech really not worthy enough for anyone to take pics of that?

*sniff*

-taibah out

your card aint declined, its stolen.

Allah SWT has created the human body in such perfection. HE is right, everything was created for a purpose. Our hands, our limbs, our organs, they function together, everything. Dig deep into yourself; viens and a gazillion other tubes and storage areas, CELLS and DNA, its mindblowing.

But its inside YOU! and its inside ME!

What else is inside us that is also mindblowing?
...
..
.
you guessed it :D
taibah's favorite topic: Emotions.

Yes, we have this "thing" inside us, our hearts, our minds, our souls, our brains. Its the voice playing again and again in your head, its the thing that makes you stop and forget where you're going. Its the thing that makes you really happy or makes you really sad. Its the thing that controls and grows into us. It sticks to us closely and folds itself into our thoughts so casually that you dont even realize it happened.

Ever read that poem about Habits? ill post it up soon. The best line in the poem : Habits will either make us or break us.

guess what emotions do?

they either make us or break us.

OK, im on an emotional high rite now....must...go...to...sleep. okthanksbye!
-taibah out

and hot sauce after the patty? ahhh, my dear, you remembered this time.

sometimes i wish i wasnt a girl

*sobs*

-taibah out

HS or 1X? WHERE IS THE NETWORK?!

my dad got himself a texting plan. heres how a convo went the other night. we were sitting in the same room.

dad: do u wrk today? wat time?
me: no i dont, i work friday at 8:45-5:45
dad: go to sleep now
me: can i sleep in on saturday?
dad: wat a plan
me: thanks for your approval!
dad: wat approval?
me: nevermind, im going to bed. sham bakhair :)
dad: salaam betii

i seriously love the world of texting. its soooooo simple to use and easy to get caught up in. i highly recommend the unlimted texting bundles you get, i used to have the 100per week, but i seem to cleanout my inbox every 3 days....

my dad walked out of my room last night with a full bag of M&Ms he "borrowed" from me.
i want some. now.

-taibah out

i

why do all my favorite cool people have to have class when im not??
le sigh.

i hate sitting alone, thank god for taptap, otherwise id be bored out of mind.
someone told me i should name my phone slide-slide, thats the dumbest name ive ever heard for a phone! i was thinking of naming it something cool sounding. i shall figure something out soon for that.

right now im on campus, i just finished praying dhur salat, it was alittle difficult to concentrate on the actual prayer cause someone on the guys side was vacumming the room. i realized that was my job, but today im in no mood to do more chores.

i LOVE vaccuming. i got my parents a vaccume as a gift, i just HAD to buy it. its a pretty nice looking for a vaccume. its blue, if it were a person, id call it pretty sexy. nothing is more satisfying when doing chores at home, then seeing that vaccume filter work its magic and fill up that no-bag zone with piles of dust and other nasties.

another satisfying feeling when doing house chores, is when you're using Vim to clean the bathroom faucets. Whoever created Vim is a total genius. I prefer the gel mixture than the 'cream' one.

Windex is pretty awesome stuff too. same with Tilex.
this morning i vaccumed. it was good times.

in other news, im not looking forward to working full time hours beginning next week. gotta make sure i can even attend the eid prayer. man, if i cant attend the eid prayer id go depressed for an entire year! oh wait...i think i already am :P

-taibah out

ps. my favorite people seem to walk out temporary from my life at the wrong times. WHY DO I GET SO DAMN ATTACHED TO YOU?!
:(

arent you tired yet tibz?

you are everything.
YOU ARE!
lol

how last night was fun times, making pizza and getting drunk off sprite LOL (insider). Did you really think i would risk meeting up that late at night with you? of course i would :D My darling, you are just amazingly random, i love you.

and because of you, i woke up with my phone gripped in my hand. I laughed, noticing how i was about to respond to your last text "i love vanilla pudding too".

"thats abit of a jump, 3 years to 3 months. are you thinking 3 weeks or 3 days?"
"nah, i was thinking 3 seconds"
hahahahahaaaa

-taibah out

ps. the above makes no sense.

i like it. i like it.
i really do.
i like it. i like it.

-taibah out

i lost the guide.

last night i went to the masjid for taraweeh prayers. Sadly, it was the first one ive attended this entire month.

as i finished praying isha and merely sat around with my back against the piller, i looked up at the ceiling but had no idea what was making me do that. i thought of all the events from the day. the appointment, going to school, attending jummah, the msn convo and the phone call, the bus ride home, the walk to safeway, the text msg's, making chip-dip with my siblings.

i thought of the khutbah i heard earlier in the day, Khushoo. Subhanallah, it was such a good reminder. Words from the khatib played over and over again in my head for the reminder of the day. On the bus ride home, a girl behind me sat crying and talking into her phone.

"Sometimes it really gets to me" she says.

I leaned my head agaisnt the window and watched the road, covered in cracks and holes. As each stop we pass, i tell myself again and again, ive been crying for all the wrong reasons.

***

standing in prayer at the masjid, it was astonishingly calming.
i felt chills go down my spine.
it ends and i wished for more.

Ya Allah, thank you for Ramadhan.

-taibah out

confused again and again

did i bring myself into such a mess? am i truly the one to blame this time? for once, i am speechless. i never aimed to displease, and i refuse to disappoint, but i guess it happens sometimes.

to the broken hearts:
im sorry.
what else do you want me to say?

-taibah out :(

clouds in my coffee

utterly exhausted, but what else is new? lol

i made a chocolate trifle for my sister's iftar party, it was a hit as it beat her cheesecake as dessert time rolled around :D how can ANYONE resist it? brownies layered in between coolwhip, fudge chocolate pudding, condensed milk and Dove chocolate. ohh yummmmmmmmmmmmmm!

i also threw together a punch while at her house just minutes before guests began to show up. I took one frozen can of fruit punch and a frozen can of cranberry juice. I prepared the juices as normally done, however i used only 2 cups of water on each juice, rather than the usual 3. i threw in both juices into a punch bowl and grabbed a 2L bottle of some ginger ale, emptied the entire thing in. I went back to the fridge to see if i could find something else to throw into the punch bowl, i settled on cut strawberries :)

i was nervous to try the punch as there was lots of it, yet i had no idea what i was doing. It was simply toss and trial. I can confidently say, that punch was AWESOME!!! I didnt get a second cup of it while i went up to grab some during dinner :(

last night was good times, im exhuasted.

-taibah out

i wish i was a pixie.

i feel lonely.
wild one? where are you?

:(

-taibah out

*sniff*

TAX TIME!!!

sooo, i havent filed my taxes for 2006 or 2007. no biggie, i have 10 years for each one to complete. I started doing my taxes afew weeks ago, having 7 T4's infront of me, i decided to do everything manually so i can use the concepts ive learned in FA2 to get everything done.

It took 3 days to complete for 2006. To which i had to call Canada Revenue for something, they informed me i was short 2 more T4 slips. what happens now? they tell me they'd mail me my missing documents within 3 days. In reality however, it took over a week for me to get the package.

After today, i have the rest of the week off from the office! Not only will i catch up on much needed sleep, now i must devote time to get my taxes done. Perhaps i should do my laundry too? i think im running out of clothes. I should also get my papers ready for my IST project, which begins first week of october, i hate HP Laptops, this is gonna be fun times in the office :( Our go-live date is october 21st.

I now have officially one hour to grab some sleep before i must wake up to get ready for work. Im gonna snuggle into bed now :)

-taibah out

my tummy hurts :(

6hours of overtime this past weekend at work. i hate how everyone took vacation time all at the same time. my next day off isnt till this thursday, where ima SLEEP ALL DAY!

sleep is my ecstasy.
pray for me :(

-taibah out

my eyes twitch so much it hurts

being all alone today in the office was more of a nightmare than adventure. but thats expected on a saturday. i was falling apart by the time i got out.

i started work at 6am today.
i worked 12 hours.
thank god for overtime.

-taibah out

a day of loss

today,
was an adventure.

after praying fajr, i dozed off for abit and set my alarm to awake at 7am. I ended up getting out of bed by 7:30am. After getting dressed and finding my office keys, im on my way to work by 8:15. The drive to work was rather eventful, I saw an EAGLE!

Subhanallah, id love to see one upclose like that again.
Which reminds me, yesterday as im chatting on the phone with a friend and getting my bag ready for school, i glanced outside my bedroom window and noticed something colored on the pinetree in the front yard. I looked closely and realized it was a yellow bird! Another Subhanallah moment lol.

Once i got to work, i began my usual tasks. I accidentally locked my keys in the office and had to run around looking for someone that could get me back in. I normally dont get "down-time" at work, other than lunchbreak, mostly cause i have my own way of finishing my tasks which are slightly time consuming.

Today i got some downtime while i waited for a coworker to verify my reports. I normally keep my phone sitting just below my monitor but elevated using a LARGE stack of Post-It notes which are covered in The Home Depot logo. I keep it elevated so that it catches my attention whenever a call or msg comes my way.

today, not a single call or msg. at all.
i thought my phone was broken. so i decided to call telus on my lunch break.

lunch break rolls around and i called *611, which SHOULD have connected me to telus customer service, instead, i got connected to MTS Mobility.

Puzzeled, i stayed on the line and wasnt able to talk to anyone from MTS or telus. I hope telus realizes how PARANOID i was all DAY.

i love my phone because my friends live in it :D
.
in other news: a bird flew into the office today. pure chaos and pandemonium. i loved it.

-taibah out

i be walking in my sleep

-taibah out

purple leaves

Do not count the thorns in your fingers but be grateful for the bones in them. In three words I can sum up everything I have learned about life : It goes on.

This world is not respectable. It is mortal, tormented, confused, deluded forever; but it is shot through with beauty, with love, with glints of courage and laughter; and in these, the spirit blooms timidly, and struggles to the light amid the thorns. Do not disturb my happiness with your doubts. Life is too short....so kiss slowly.....love deeply.....and forgive quickly One must not lose desires. They are the mighty stimulants of creativity, of passion and of love. If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is a compromise. My imagination is my one weapon in my war against reality. Risk! Risk anything! Care no more for the opinions of others, for those voices. Do the hardest thing on earth for you. Act for yourself. Face the truth. Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved. I can't believe that God put us on this earth to be ordinary. All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think, we become. I slept, and dreamed that life was Beauty, I woke, and found that life was Duty. Was thy dream then a shadowy lie? Toil on, poor heart, unceasingly; And thou shalt find thy dream to be A truth and noonday light to thee.

“Our lives are not determined by what happens to us but by how we react to what happens, not by what life brings us, but by the attitude that we bring to life. A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events and outcomes. It is a catalyst, a spark that creates extraordinary results. – Anon

"Excellence is the result of caring more than others think is wise, risking more than others think is safe, dreaming more than others think is practical, and expecting more than others think is possible." – Anon

About Me: Brought up in dark world...inspired by darkness..till light came into my world...blinded at first but now i can see the world with my light..until it left and never came back...i was left alone in the dark again but soon i started radiating my own light...

A friend showed me this, to which i really enjoyed reading.
I'll have to write another post about this again soon.

-taibah out

shattered mirrors

i tried not to cry this time. but i couldnt control myself.
salty tears, as i taste them this time.
one after another they run down my face, unable to stop, the words dont stop.

broken networks, slamming doors, and cellphones.
fragments are what i walk on.

makeup stained white shirts
grey tie
broken smiles, what more can i do?

just break me. end it now.
i dont mend souls.
im sorry.

-taibah out

ps.
when you least expect it, life flips on you. enjoy your happiness, smile and cherish each other. before it just drops and falls down. and leaves you in darkness.

shoot me.

-taibah out

too young to be old

I woke up this morning, very sore and crazy tired (i guess thats what happens when you're texting a friend till 4am). It was a true struggle functioning and trying to get through my morning routine, of washing up, finding clean clothes and putting my bag together.

I stood in front of the mirror squinting at myself. i debated weather it was really necessary or not to do my makeup. so i didnt :D

i said to myself "today is gonna be a good day".
smiled.

*flicks hijab*

-taibah out

shes not physcotic.

-taibah out

omigosh

and i finished sliding the last folder into the filing cabinet. i glance at the clock.
WOW, im done 30mins early.

this NEVER happens.
like.
EVER.

its amazing what happens when you spend most of the day with your mouth shut and mind cleared and remembering the month of Ramadhan.

beautiful indeed.

-taibah out

sweet beginnings to arrive

Insha Allah, tomorrow will be the first day of Ramadhan.

I am truly thrilled,

and i shall embark a journey, climbing through the struggles and obstacles of patience and self control. Grasping the moments to repent and pray, shifting my problems out the windows as if they never existed. Opening my eyes to a day of opportunity, as if it were my last. Uttering not a word of hate or dirt to myself or others.

Polish and shine the purity of my soul, that is the mission.

Jumping out of sad thoughts and anger, the word stress will not exist. Accept the beauty of quietness and reflect on the sheer happiness of others at this time.

Its gonna be a good one this year, can you feel it? Cause i sure can :D

Ramadhan Mubarak, and wasalaam to you too Satan man ;)

-taibah out :D

They twinkle as the boys play rock and roll...

Guess who finally got themselves a new phone? :D

yay for me!

i had initially went to the mall with my brother on friday to simply take him birthday shopping as his birthday gift from me (since i had totally forgotten it was his birthday etc.). Once we stepped inside the mall, i asked him if we could just zip into the Telus store to just LOOK at new phones we could get when our contract (we're on a joint plan) would end in 2 weeks. The associate at the Telus store got us to renew the contract right away and sold me and my brother new phones.

I bought my brother the Samsung Infinity. Im not a fan of the whole touch technology, my father and brother are.

I settled for a Samsung phone too, mine is a A523, it has 4 touch buttons, but its a slidey :D
im trying to get used to it, i still love my nokia, it was my best phone ever!

-taibah out

it

Im so far from it.
It's so far.
So far away you are.
I wish to hold it, feel it and touch it.
Care for it, be with it, and call it mine.
I want it to belong to me.
Only so i can say "it's mine".
Will i ever get it?
Will it ever come to me?

This i dont know.

Its unknown what will happen. Im tired from you and it.
It has become a drug, i need it. It needs me.

I love it.

-taibah out

platinum

oh dear.
my room is quite messy, but today i cant bring myself to get up and clean the mess.
i pickup on item, play around with it, and then put it down. proceed to next item. never-ending cycle i think. nothing goes in the right spot, because they simply move to new locations.

why am i like this today?

my mind is wandering away, it wants to explore old memories and past decisions ive made in my lifetime.

-taibah out

is that laughter i hear?

perhaps im just hearing things.

"shes a wild one my love"

maybe your definition of wild wasnt correct.
or maybe mine wasnt?

its amazing how Allah SWT shows us ways to view the real side of people.

-taibah out

car alarms

i bite.

-taibah out

let me tell you about hardwork.

i think my neck is gonna fall off :(

i wake up at 4am these days. simply to get to work for 6am. i get home usually by 3pm.

its sad how i can watch the sunrise from my office window :(

-taibah out

ankle socks

i love socks. i have a bizzare obsession with them.
i own several different kinds of socks.
i have too many to count. alhumdulliah :)

today when i got dressed for work, i grabbed a pair of white puma ankle socks. i put them, i liked the way they looked, clean and crisp, fitting.

i get to work and the day goes by as usual. after getting through my major pile of filing from last week, i decided to head to safeway to buy some crackers (i have odd cravings for dry snacks). I get up from my desk and check my pockets to see if i have any cash with me, thankfully i do. I walk out of the office.

I decided to head to safeway by walking through the sales floor. i pass by the lumber run, the pro desk is overflowing with boxes for some reason. I walk by the tool corral, and passed the kitchen installs office. Im halfway out the side seasonal doors when i realize theres something in either my sock or my shoe.

By this time, im already outside, i decided to ignore it and head towards safeway. it takes me less than a minute to get inside. 20 seconds later, ive found the correct aisle. that THING in my shoe/sock is driving me crazy.

i decided to head to an empty aisle. i endup in the candy aisle looking at the different varieties of chewing gum. No one is around, its only 2pm in the afternoon. Im wearing adidas slides, so i simply take my right foot out of my shoe. I glance around to make sure no is coming down the hall, thankfully no ones there :)

i check the inside of my shoe, i dont see anything. that can only mean one thing...the THING had to be in my sock! lol

i glance around again, and think to myself...WHY NOW?!

i get down on the floor, so im kneeling infront of granola bars now. i slowly take off my sock and there it is....a tiny tiny pebble that was driving me insane! i toss it aside and look to my right, a kid is running down the aisle, i panicked and put my sock back on. i looked back towards him, but he's already gone. I slide my shoe back on. I stand up and walk away.

im normal. rite?
:D

-taibah out

call center drama

as of now, i look back at this incident that happened earlier today and laugh pretty hard at it. however at the time, i was more in a 'OMG WTF?!' feeling of emotion.

perhaps i was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. allow me to explain.

my dad and I are both talking to each other in the living room. im sprawled out on the floor, while he is sitting across me sipping his hot tea. we're having a great conversation about composting and such when the home telephone begins to ring. the cordless phone is within my arms reach so i grab it. i looked at the caller ID screen and say to my dad "area code 207, whats that?"

he didnt know and tells me to answer it.

me: hello
guy: ohhh hi, may i talk to mr. awan?
me: uhhh just a second

*dad shakes his head and says 'im not here"*

me: sorry, he's not available right now, may i take a message?
guy: are you his wife?

*dad bursts out laughing*

me: NO! im his daughter!
guy: im terribly sorry, are you above the age of 18?
me: yeah, sorry, why are you calling us?
guy: im calling from XYZ hydro electric Co. with a new offe---
me: *interrupts* im sorry, we only deal with local companies that we're more familiar with, thanks for calling
guy: is your mother around?
me: no, she isnt home. please take our phone number off your phone list.
guy: how old are you?
me..uhhh 20 *lies*
guy: whats your name?
me...my name is taibah, will take our number off your phone list?
guy: suree, ill do that for you taibah. may i ask you something? are you muslim?
me: ummmmmmm yeah?

*dad's still laughing and sipping his tea*

me: ok, i have to end this call now, thanks for calling, but im sorry we're not interested in whatever you have to offer.
guy: *silence*....is there anything you want to ask me?
me: WTF?! "noooooo?"
guy: so taibah, what are you studying?

*dad stops laughing*

me: you dont need to know that. im hanging up now. bye.
CLICK

can you say...awkward moment infront of your dad? lol
i says to my dad "what a wierdo", my dad says they all are.

the phone rings again, the caller ID says area code 207. i let my dad answer it.

a guy was attempting to hit on me over the phone. i feel flattered LOL

-taibah out

:)

rock'n it out, taibah stylzzz

subhanallah, its a really hot day today.

i awoke this morning around 11am, i fell asleep just after 4am. Yesterday was quite the eventful day. I attended 2 picnics, which was very tiring. The first one i didnt really stick around to chill or do much, other than eat. The second one, (the one i wasnt too thrilled to attend), was ALOT of fun.

It was the Pakistan Independence Day Picnic, i was very impressed with the turnout of just a fraction of the local pakistani community. A cricket match was just ending when i arrived, and the giant grills were warming up to get the bbq food ready for the hundreds of people that were there.

My family decided to have our own fun, rather than sitting around in the grass, we jumped up and kicked off our shoes and socks, pulled back our sleeves and started a game of frisbee toss. This one kid kept getting in the way, he wanted to play with us, we had no clue who he was. After letting him toss the frisbee for abit, he ran off with it....we played football instead :D

I realize my brother has a REALLY strong force in his arms, as he tossed the football to me, and i ran sideways to catch it, my fingers are pulled back painfully at the force of speed the football is flying at. I sat in the grass while i waited for the intense pain to calm down, afterwards, i joined in on the game again.

Since we were barefoot, my feet had some weird nasties on them when i put my socks back on.

its too hot in my room, i need so shut my laptop off, its generating too much heat i think.

-taibah out

please dont die.

just when i thought all my worries for my nokia were over, disaster strikes again.

this time, its a virus.

dont ask how, or what..it just is. perhaps slowly, it will eat away at the inner phone OS and ill lose everything. my contract is over in early september, im due for a new phone and plan anyways...

DONT DIE ON ME YET!!!

-taibah out
:(

ramblings from the green book

heres a piece from my green Writers Notebook, its dated June 25, 2008 4:34pm:

Waking up to new fear and lost expressions. Trying to piece together the moments of undecided smiles. Touching the moments of sheer reasons to not move, not say, not want and not believe.
Honey. The sweet aroma of the natural substance, too intense to eat, and truly an astonishment of sweetness to hit your senses.
Grease and unmoving, a layer of each brings deep such a distraction of choice and reasoning.
The back aches, like an awakening of a third republic? The feeling of flesh being ripped away from the bone. The staining nerves and muscle impulses.

-taibah out

*screams*

i HATE registering for courses for school!
omg, i wanna smash my laptop out of frustration and annoyance.

hate.it.
go.die.

-taibah out :)

'pleased to meet yaaaaaaaaaa

its 3am.
im craving lasagna. but i dont have any :(

are my hormones screwed over? i think so.

"shes a wild one my love" :P

-taibah out

<3

'cause i want yaaaaa!

my 2nd last phone bill arrived today, i CANT wait till i fix up my contract soon. I should seriously watch what i do with my phone.

im paying over $300 on this bill.

santo cielo!

-taibah out

the masjid, part 3

i attended jummah on friday. i was in the lower level again, thanks to some "womanly issues" lol

i dont recall what the khutbah was about, cause i came kinda late, but there was masha allah alot of people that day.

while everyone got up to pray, a woman was having some difficulty keeping her son nearby while she could line up to pray with everyone else. he was a small toddler and wanted to play with another elderly lady's walking stick. The mother of this small child was trying hard to contain her child, he wasnt making any noise however. I watched and walked upto the woman and told her i would watch her son while she could pray. The look on her face was amazing, she smiled and thanked me. He son blinked at me afew times while i began to keep him entertained. As he's poking at my rings im wearing, i glance around at other small babies and toddlers that were nearby.

4 little girls, they were around 2/3 years old each. Each was dressed amazingly, their hair pulled back, styled cutely with ribbons or pins, innocent expressions, genuine smiles. They watched each other intently, eager to befriend one another, pointing at each other and then at the door to begin an adventure to explore the rest of the masjid. Finally one girl whipsered 'c'mon!', some skipped, some scurried towards the door. They watched each other cautiously.

i watched with tears in my eyes. the prayer ends, my friend says 'why are you crying taibah?', i wipe my eyes and point....

"them"

-taibah out

iced caps

sooo relaxed rite now, alhumdulliah :)

yoga pants and kurta shirt, i also did my nails afew days ago. kicked the socks off, and just enjoying the sounds of the birds chirping away, and leaves rustling against each other in the wind.

im off from work till wednesday, they're upgrading some thing in the computers so they dont need me around for that. im quite happy with these days off, the past few weeks in the office were pretty hectic.

hot days and cool nights, the essence of summer is slowly coming to an end.

i cant move, im sooooo comfortable right now :)

-taibah out

masha allah

-taibah out

sleepless nights again

the world of taibah spins

i feel as tho my interaction to humans has fallen since ive come home from camping. being exposed to so many people and then it just jumps down to just a fraction of that amount. i feel lonely :(

perhaps its a good thing? i dont know

i read alot of people's blogs and sometimes i think "wow, they write such interesting blogs, i wish i sounded as intelligent as them". and then i come back to my own blog and think to myself that i need to sound intelligent. telling myself that doesnt work.

we're down to our last month of summer. its been a cold summer this year, we rarely had our AC on. i gotta look over my list of to-dos again...

i want pretzels. i'll go get some now.

-taibah out

its baacccccccccccckkk!

my uncle dropped off the charger, my life is saved :D

-taibah out

i feel lost

my phone. my nokia. my beloved device that spent most of its days in my hands. that thing i spend so much time and money on, you're sleeping.

see, its not dead, my charger just decided to stop working and ive gone 3 days without a charge on the nokia. i simply need a new charger, thats all.

thankfully, my very own uncle has a MASSIVE collection of cellphones that he's gone through. infact, he had the same nokia as me at one point. yesterday i called him up and explained to him i needed the a nokia charger, he told he'd lend it to me.

problem solved right? WRONG!

so yesterday i wasnt able to get a hold of the charger, neither was i able to get it today. sad part is, he lives only 2 streets away LOL

patiently waiting
-taibah out

raspberries and lemonade

thanks to my boss, he knocked over my drink today in the office. he bought me ice cream to makeup for that :)

today was quite the eventful day at work. i guess fridays are normally suppose to be that way. the weather was absolutely gorgeous too.

i was given the lucky task today to close the office at 6:15pm, it didnt seem that hard of a task at all. i ran into some problems but alhumulliah, nothing serious. i have more keys to add to my key-belt i wear at work, it gets more fuller as the months go by, alhumdulliah, i REALLY like my job.

after work i get home, and it sooo nice outside, that i sat outside for about an hour just chillin with my dad and my brother, we figured it was a good day to bbq, so for dinner i had a juicy steak and grilled potatoes and broccoli...yum!

im also getting a new phone, i have 2 options right now: LG Venus or Samsung Infinity...i dont feel like getting rid of my nokia tho :(
i have till early Sept. to decide

-taibah out

to whine or not to whine?

i don't know if this is true or not, but who else can judge me based on this?

change.

its complicated, you either really like change, or you don't. change can make you happy, or it can make you upset. the options are yours, agree with them or disagree.

the most difficult task, is swallowing that bit of knowledge you and i both have, that change comes as time passes. we've seen it, we've experienced it, we're either happy about it or we're not.

perhaps im just tired?

-taibah out

NEW BANNER

cause im bored and thought it looked alright. im waiting until i get my hands on this new software so i can put up a killer one. in the mean time, enjoy the change of scenery :)

-taibah out

An afternoon at Grand Prix

migrane monday

today i went to work after being off for 2 weeks. I took one week off for Camp, and the next week after was spent with being ill. It was difficult trying to get ready for work this morning, but at the same time it felt good.

i walked into the office and said my hellos to whoever was around, it was just near 7:45am. I didnt plan on getting to my actual desk until 8am, my plan was to grab a Starbucks from Safeway and then enter. I left my tote bag, which carries my Binder and amillion other important papers on a chair in the lounge, i walked out of the office and debated with what drink to get.

As im walking down the sales floor, i realized i should just grab some cash rather than use my debit card. I get to one of the cashiers and decide to buy some gum, sadly i came to know i had left my debit card at HOME!

no Starbucks for taibah today :(

Slightly upset, i walk back to the office. I grabbed my tote bag and walked down the left hall to get to my office. I open the door and the sight of my desk makes me want to hide. SO MANY PAPERS and FILES. I was quite stunned. I knew 2 weeks of not being at work would be rough, esp the buildup of reports and billions of faxes i would have to make. I get started right now.

4 hours pass, very quickly. Its lunchtime, but i dont feel hungry. I havent eaten anything at all, and yet i still felt no hunger. I call up one of the office managers, i tell them im skipping my lunchbreak so i can go home an hour early. Thankfully, they give me their approval.

I was thrilled when 4pm rolled around. tomorrow may be another rough day.

-taibah out

"shes a wild one my love"

why cant i stop laughing?

:D

-taibah out

*breaks out into coughing fit*

shadows

sometimes i just really dont care about the important stuff.

i feel as though society already has my life planned out for me. its a set system. I go to school for a large chunk of my life, for 13 years straight. After that i took afew months off to work and just take a break from it all, and then i entered university life during the second semester of my first year. Ive been going to school since, taking abit of the summer off to just relax. But im expected to continue onwards with my university life, as boring and dragging as it is....i dont think im a student for life, but being a business student has REALLY showed me that im gonna be in school for much longer than the books really say so.

all throughout junior high and high school, my teachers would constantly say the same thing over and over again, the same message has been drilled into my head "dont work for something that you hate".

with the upcoming school year getting closer, my head begins to hurt more often than so. Not only will the university rob me of my savings account, but cause my accounting program that im in (CGA Designation) has been really screwed up this upcoming year. Its a complicated story, but all i know now, im in school for MUCH longer than expected. Perhaps its better that the courses are offered on a "part-time" basis so i can work full-time. The upside: more hours at work mean more money in my pocket. The downfall: i can take only 4 courses a year.

4 courses a year REALLY REALLY slows me down, in the sense of getting my B.Comm. (honors) at this rate...i'll be done my degree AND the accounting designation title of CGA in....7 years?

good grief :(

....mcmasters was and always is another option....right?

-taibah out

:(

CAMP - July 2008 part 2

my neck is sooooo sore, i cant move it....my parents think its tonsillitis, cause it happened to my little sister before. Its very stiff, trying to move it left or right hurts, esp when im praying...OUCH

my last post about camp wasnt very long, cause i was rather tired when i wrote it. Heres a more detailed one of some highlights from camp.

I loved how i had 9 girls looking up to me, this required me to REALLY think about everything that i did, and everything i said infront of them. I never swore at camp, out of fear one of my girls would hear me. ("taibah are you mad with a capital P?")Whatever problem they had, i was suppose to help them with it. Migraines, lost clothes, broken cameras, waking me up at 3am EVERYDAY to get escorted to the washrooms, waking them up for fajr, dragging them out of bed to get ready for breakfast, constantly reminding them to attend their clean-up duties, coaching them through skit and chant prep, building their confidence as we're doing quran reading together, creating a sense of sisterhood between all of them, making sure they finish their food at meal times, kicking them out of my sleeping bag, making sure they've worn deodorant and enough bug spray...

it was challenging in the sense I had to ensure they were having fun regardless of all the rules that have been thrown at them. Alhumdulliah, there were no conflicts between ANY of my girls in the cabin on anything. One of my girl's cried one night cause she heard a jinn story from another cabin, and another one of my girl cried one night cause she had a migraine. Both, equally difficult to manage. Overall, they participated enthusiastically in all activities at camp (except swimming lol)

thats enough about them, more about me! :D

Other than chasing my girls around, i did have ALOT of fun.

The 2 hour hike after Fajr prayer with my friends who were also counselors, canoeing after breakfast in the lake, while the girls were away during Olympics...i would run off to hangout with my own friends/counselors, raiding the fridge in the early morning (only to steal fruit such as apples and a nectarine), i almost jumped a cliff cause my walkie talkie fell out of my pocket and was skidding down the rock, making drug deals lol (insider), scaring campers with my mosquito mask, reflecting and contemplating the mysteries of life while sitting on a giant rock infront of the lake....only to leave when it begins to rain really hard, taking pictures of the sunrise, bossing other campers around lol ("as a counselor, i have the authority to make you finish that one leaf of lettuce from your salad before you can take more seconds of mashed potatoes...now get back to your table"), confiscating magazines and other "inappropriate" reading materials, letting my girls do me favors. I also went swimming this year, in the past, i was too paranoid or scared to bother going into the water. This year i went in, and i really enjoyed it....even tho i dont know how to swim, it was fun splashing around and watching the minnows swim around me. One of my girls in the cabin got a leech on her foot while she was in water (several other campers did too), after that incident ALL my girls were too scared to go in the water...i wasnt however, thank god for water shoes :D

i videotaped my cabin while we presented one of our chants to the entire camp, we ended up winning first place :D

i will upload it on youtube soon, and post a link soon. We "islamified" the song 1234 by Fiest and changed up all the lyrics so that it related to our cabin. yeahhh, this song was MY idea, the girls loved it :)

-taibah out

CAMP - July 2008 part 1

Mentos or gobstobbers anyone? i have a terrible sore throat today :(

ALHUMDULLIAH IM HOME!!!!

feels sooooooooo great to be back. subhanallah, its really an eye opening experience for me to realize how attached i am to my things. Such as my bed and laptop, the washroom, my running water... i think the list is endless lol

but WOW, camp was different this year. to start off with, i wasnt a camper. instead i was counselor of cabin 5 (GO Oompa Loompas!!!), 9 girls were placed under my care, the age-range was 12/13. Three of these girls were from Regina and the rest were locals, some of them i didn't know which was cool cause now we're friends :)

My Girls were hilarious and so unpredictable. Some of them had amazing acting talents which were reflected in our skits, and some got sick too (that night was a total nightmare), but overall we had a great time talking late into the night with each other, singing, laughing, dancing and ofcourse, crying together.

i think i miss them. all of them. :(

the way they'd say my name several times during the day, sometimes at 1am, or at all meal times "umm taibah...?" and then they'd ask me such random questions. Which eyeliner is better to use? what does dawah mean? can i PLEASEEEE have more strawberries on my waffles? can i have more juice? whats the weirdest thing to EVER happened to you? do you like candy? can i take a picture of you? can you do my hair?

*sigh*

they begged me to shut off my walkie talkie/2-way radio that i was required to strap to myself and on at ALL times. they hated how it would go off all the time, but they would admit they enjoyed hearing all the rest of the camp staff having their convo's and listening in on them with it.


top row, left to right: UmmalKhair, Maryam, Saira, Nitasha, Zineb, Huma,
bottom row, left to right: Inaya, Lumterjie, Mimi (Maryam), ME :D

-taibah out

GONE

and im off to camp!!!

be back saturday :)

-taibah out

going....

im off to camp tomorrow morning. and i wont be back until saturday...its a 5 night trip and im rather looking forward to this. I havent started packing yet, im taking all my stuff in a upright-luggage bag...as of now, its empty and sitting in my room agaisnt my closet...

i bought a mini tripod for my camera, i expect to take more pics than i took last year. Last year i took over 300...and ive made sure i got tons of batteries too. I will need to stop at Safeway tomorrow morning to grab more batteries cause im paranoid, and some water (dasani).

im also doing a session at the camp with everyone, my topic which has been assigned to me is called Islam and the Environment. I should get started on getting my notes done for that, they're about halfway done.

i shall return back to my blog perhaps early tomorrow morning, for a final farewell. gotta get my stuff together...i shouldnt take too long, i did ALL my laundry and now its just a matter of putting things in my bag..

this should be fun..NOT!

-taibah out

*gasp*

i know i can just throw my face into this if i could...one day ima learn how to do this iA.

-taibah out

squish and fish

Soul Lifts
A Poem, written by Tess Baumberger

Wouldn't it be great if you could take a picture of your soul?
Then when your mother wanted to brag about you
she could show people the picture and say,
"That's my daughter, doesn't she have a beautiful soul,
all sparkly and many-colored and flowing all around her?"

Wouldn't it be great if we walked around
surrounded by our souls,
so that they were the first things people saw
instead of the last things?
Then people would judge us by who we really are
instead of how we look.
Imagine no more racism, ageism, sexism, fatism, shortism, homophobia.
Imagine falling in love with who a person is,
just by looking at them.

It would be a kind of cloaking device,
hiding physical faults defects or even perfections.
I'd want it to be mandatory.
Then people would work at making their souls more attractive
instead of their bodies and faces.

Imagine people knowing by your soul that you really need a hug.
Imagine people helping each other and their souls changing colors
or growing.

Imagine soul gyms
with exercises to get your sagging soul in shape.
Imagine the long lines forming for soul-lifts
at churches, temples, mosques, synagogues
or nature's grand cathedrals.

....

-taibah out

we're high on cake

i was flipping through some hundred files on my computer that were in my Recycle Bin, and i found this in there. We were having a mini cabin reunion from camp, not everyone was able to come tho.... mine and Maha's birthdays had just passed and the others brought a cake for us.

Enjoy!

-taibah out

right

my right hand underwent some damage at work.

within the first 3 hours at work, my right hand begins to irritate me, i figured they were just dry and applied some lotion to them...it burns. I get up to wash my hands and once they've dried down, all the "peeling" marks begin to take shape. I find my boss.

After finding our First Aid go-to person, they tell me ive had a reaction to some chemicals that have touched my hand. and its promised to have happened earlier in the day. somewhere at work. im thinking it was in the washroom from the sink facets.

We file a report and its faxed right away to Atlanta. My boss leaves to buy me some Polysporin. Atlanta says they'll cover the cost of any visits to the doctor or any medication i need. I like how they care :)

i dont know exactly what i touched, but an entire layer of my skin on my right hand has come off. my hand looks terrible. when i touch my face with my hand, it feels like my fingers have been replaced by sandpaper. it truly both saddens and angers me.

perhaps it'll clear up overnight

*sigh*

-taibah out

crazy coolish stuff

-taibah out

do you hate me too?

today was a weird day.

i woke up pretty late and rushed to the work for another seminar. I walked in, just as we were about to begin. Less than an hour later, we were on break time and i headed to Safeway to grab myself some lemonade :)

Within another hour, i was on my second break. and then 30mins later, i was on lunch break.

one word: tech problems. the laptops are freaking out on us. thankfully i left work at 3pm, 2 hours earlier than predicted. oh wells, more naptime for me!

-taibah out

held on high

<3

i love capris. i wish i could wear them all the time.

-taibah out

Adventures in Safeway

I like going to Safeway (usually), because it isnt very busy and its easy to find stuff there. Its also very clean and quiet there too. But they're stuff is kinda expensive. I like how they put in Starbucks in them.

Yesterday after work, i had to stop at Safeway to grab some Oreo No-Bake Cake Mix. I went inside, found the right aisle and correct product and headed to checkout number 6 to make my purchase. I threw down a pack of gum too.

Theres a young man ahead of me. He's buying pita bread and some artichoke dip and some diet Sprite. I like how he only has 3 items. This means standing in line for checkout wont be too long. An older couple jump in line behind me. They have a cart filled with stuff, i think its their weekly groceries.

After the man ahead of me finished with his purchases, its my turn.
Hello, how are you?
Im good, yourself?
Fantastic. Found everything ok?
yes.
Just the 2 items?
mmhmmm
Club Card? AirMiles?
*hands over AirMiles card and give out my home phone number*
Ok, your total comes to $6.57

At this point, i debated with myself, Cash or Debit? As im opening my wallet, i realize the couple behind me were getting VERY impatient.

The woman was standing not even an inch away from me, i think it couldve been 3 centimeters. My reaction to this, i was kinda weirded out actually. As im filling out my info on the Debit machine, the woman lets out a *SIGH* and taps her feet. I decided to take advantage with this situation.

The purchase goes through and the cashier hands me my receipt. Just to piss off the couple behind me, i dont move. Instead, i start reading every detail on my bill. The woman lets out a bigger SIGH.

i cant blame myself, im dead tired after a 9 hour at work, and the LAST thing i need is someone flipping me off in the Safeway checkout.

-taibah out

a wish is a memory

today i attended another full day seminar, but this time with only 4 hours of sleep. Within the first 20mins my head kept dropping, due to my lack of sleep and energy.

thankfully, we ran into a slight technical difficulty, which lasted about 30mins. We were dismissed during this time and told us we had 15mins to kill. I was in desperate need of coffee, and i figured the closest places to get some was either from Subway (ewww!) or Starbucks.

Normally i dont buy coffee from Starbucks, cause im very loyal to Second Cup mostly. But today, i went against my moral values and bought a Caramel Macchiato, i guess was alright. It kept me alive until my lunch break.

-taibah out

candy makes me sick.

The other night, i was watching some show on FoodNetwork, i think its called Unwrapped. Basically, viewers are given the opportunity to watch how certain popular candy and beverages are made. When i was watching the show, it was featuring a type of candy that isnt available in Canada, however, it reminded me alot about GIANT willywonka Nerds. As i watched the steps unfold on how this sweet candy is made, i suddenly had this urge to wipe my mouth. to which my sister screamed out "OMG YOU'RE DROOLING?!"

i dont know if i was. maybe i do?

:)

-taibah out

sweaty naps. gross.

khehehehehehehehehhe

-taibah out

The Valley of Richness

So, this is gonna sound hella cheesy to alot of you.
(shout out to saqibs85 for indirectly giving me this idea, thanks man!)

But im basically collecting fragments of writings, such as hadiths, ayats from the Quran, reflective writings from other online bloggers, khutbah summaries, random lecture notes, and book review notes. Its a collection of inspirational messages and things you and I can always look back at at times of 'roughness in the alley' [taibah lingo] or whenever you're sick of reading your boring notes for school and basically want to take a break and read something that will (insha allah) benefit you, and others, incase you wish to share it with someone else (feel free to do so!)

I call this collection, The Valley of Richness.

What does it mean to be Rich? Why did i choose the term Valley?
(In all truth, i thought it sounded really cool)...i shall explain my darlings.

When you think of Life, it gives me a headache. mostly cause of all the stuff i have to put up. In all aspects of life, im always trying to please someone or maintain my responsibilities. For example:

When i go to work, i please my boss and meet my deadlines, attend my meetings and arrange my time to get things done. For the most part, i simply have to keep my boss happy and make sure that work gets done, and that i dont waste my time throughout the day and just to stay productive as much as possible.

When i go to school, i dont really please anyone, except the entire university system itself. If i dont attend class, i miss lecture. If i miss lecture, i miss learning from my prof. and have difficulty trying to teach everything to myself later on. This causes major setbacks and requires me to work harder in getting assignments done and acquiring the knowledge needed for exams and inclass discussion topics. Overall, it can result to me either passing with a sweet color, or failing miserably.

When im at home, i please my parents. I play the role of a daughter and an older sister. Im responsible to maintain the overall cleanliness of my room *ahem, and take apart in balancing the chores at home, weather it be dishes or kitchen related stuff, such as offering to make rice or making tea, or vacuuming and doing my own laundry. I also need to spend time with my parents and siblings.

When im with friends, im just...another person they lean on? i cant quite describe the roles of trying to maintain a friendship, as this differs from person to person, depending on what they believe is the value of friendship. I'd love to be the person you can turn to when you're stuck, and one of the first people you'd turn to to burst out news of your joy, simply cause your joy would be my joy. As well as sadness. Your sadness would be my sadness. Friendship is really a beautiful thing, and I sound super corny trying to make it sound cool. Lol

But how does this all tie in to The Valley of Richness??

Throughout this great thing we call ‘Life’, we sometimes hit up points that throw us around. Sometimes people call these the bumps in life. Sadness and anger hits us from around in our duties and responsibilities in life (such as me being a friend, worker, sister etc.)

Life comes with a ‘Valley’ of sorrows, or ‘sad’ things we’ll encounter. The ‘Valley’ also includes ‘happy’ things too. It differs from person to person and depending what Allah SWT has in store for us.

Soo…that explains the Valley part. How about the Richness part?

What does it mean to be Rich?

Most people would say its depending on your credit limit. Cause you can get ANYTHING with a good credit limit now. Owning your own money in the bank isn’t always the case anymore.

Regardless, id love to share this ayah from the Quran, its absolutely beautiful.

"Realize that the life of this world is only play and amusement, pomp and mutual boasting among you, and rivalry in respect of wealth and children. It is like the vegetation (that sprouts forth) after rain, whose growth is pleasing to the disbeliever. Soon it dries up, and you see it turning yellow, then it becomes straw. But in the Hereafter (there is) a severe torment (for the disbelievers), and (there is) Forgiveness from Allah and (His) Good Pleasure (for the believers). And indeed, the life of this world is only a deceiving enjoyment." [Surah Hadid, 20]

The dunya is a passage, not the goal.

True wealth is to be content with what one has, and then to use it to strive for the everlasting reward of the Hereafter.

Rasulallah SWT said, "Richness is not in the quantity of possessions (that one has); rather, true richness is the richness of one's self (or contentment).

True success and wealth is found in the peace and satisfaction which results from sincerity in faith and practice. The contentment of the heart is what makes a person realise and appreciate this true richness.

That is indeed what Richness is.
I hope that clears up the confusion of the name “The Valley of Richness”, keep your eyes peeled!

-taibah out