i lost the guide.

last night i went to the masjid for taraweeh prayers. Sadly, it was the first one ive attended this entire month.

as i finished praying isha and merely sat around with my back against the piller, i looked up at the ceiling but had no idea what was making me do that. i thought of all the events from the day. the appointment, going to school, attending jummah, the msn convo and the phone call, the bus ride home, the walk to safeway, the text msg's, making chip-dip with my siblings.

i thought of the khutbah i heard earlier in the day, Khushoo. Subhanallah, it was such a good reminder. Words from the khatib played over and over again in my head for the reminder of the day. On the bus ride home, a girl behind me sat crying and talking into her phone.

"Sometimes it really gets to me" she says.

I leaned my head agaisnt the window and watched the road, covered in cracks and holes. As each stop we pass, i tell myself again and again, ive been crying for all the wrong reasons.

***

standing in prayer at the masjid, it was astonishingly calming.
i felt chills go down my spine.
it ends and i wished for more.

Ya Allah, thank you for Ramadhan.

-taibah out