the unproductive afternoon

crap, i just sneezed on my laptop again :(

i spent an interesting day with my best friend aka my wife aka Nada. After hitting up the library, we took a walk to 7-11, grabbed a slurpee and bag of chips each. Afterwards we sat by the river and talk away to hearts content.

Later, Derek came to chill with us, he suggested we head out for some Licks' ice cream. T'was my first time having Licks' so i wasnt sure what to expect. It was enjoyed and Nada and Derek walked me half home.

I think i'll have to plan another day like this again with them 2. We had a nice afternoon, regardless of the cloudy periods Shall we plan for a completely sunny-no-cloud afternoon? i think so...

-taibah out

photoshop'n fun!

Props to Ryan for introducing me to this wicked FREE software thinger called Picasa, if you do have you, you'll understand why i call it wicked. If you dont have it, GET IT, its just a simple click n download thing. It kept me busy for afew hours actually, and the features are pretty cool too. Im gonna invest in some other photoshop software and see what other awesome things i can do......for the record, its NOT a ring, its a pin, that belongs to a particular outfit of mine...

-taibah out

trapped in the past, i just cant seem to move on

i cant even describe how i feel right now. I feel a painful headache sparking inside the bridge of my nose. Im upset but have no idea why. I smile at myself in the mirror but i feel no emotion. I walk through a busy mall and feel empty. It feels like everything will come crashing down on me when i least expect it. The the first steps i take outside my house are painful. I fear of the danger of human interaction outside. Home is a peaceful escape from the evils outside.

Yet i tolerate it.

I have not laughed in days. A real laugh, not a fake nevours laugh. When all feels hopeless inside me, how can i possibly bring my inner emotions out?

I feel like crying, but have no idea why...can you pass me the tissues darling...

-taibah out

roughness in the alley

"Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours." (Richard Bach,
b.1936, American writer and pilot, from his 1977 book, Illusions.)

What an amazing start for the week. I feel lost, and my mind has been racing through a series of emotional stories. I am not depressed, as i do find simple pieces of happiness hidden in the dust on bookshelfs. I collect these tiny pieces and form a rope to which i grasp when im feeling hopeless. The rope is too weak to handle any more burden that i carry in my pockets. I think the rope has begun to snap afew times, it needs to be repaired unless i can empty my pockets.

I found this quote about a year ago, and ive decided to throw it into my mind. Perhaps it'll spice up a party in there, who knows?

I want people to know that i wont ever lose belief in my vision.

And a quitter never wins.

-taibah out

no caffiene?

yes, as some of you may say, i am going into a crazy coffee withdrawal.

it scares me how much i depended upon it and how my body considers it a drug. a lethal drug. this is so damn painful. i dont feel any physical pain, but my mind and soul are being crushed. my emotions are running high, its like im on PMS forever. i cant sleep, i cant do any chores around the house, i cant talk to a person without some sort of a spasm attack. i feel like something is trying hard to shatter my senses...

my online handy helpbook, wikipedia is scaring me too :(

when i consume my lovely coffee, within 45 mins its crossed into my 'blood brain barrier'. Once inside my brain, its very possible it was increase my adrenaline. The affects of caffiene on one differs from person to person. Depending on bodytype and tolerance levels within the body. Im not sure where i stand in all this....

due to the intense changes in the brain function when caffiene is consumed, depending on how often its there, one may realize that their body will adapt to such changes. One who consumes caffiene on a regular basis will develop a serious issue. Your body will be come very sensative to body issues related with adenosine. Adenosine has to do with my red blood cells and blood pressure. When i dont have my coffee, my brian has already issued too many red blood cells to be used in the brain, therefore resulting to a headache or nausea. I experiance facial flushing and lightheadedness. It may seem not that crazy to you, but these symptons last from afew seconds to a minute. now how wacked is that??

I try really hard to tolerate this.

When i dont have my coffee fix, the levels of my serotonin dropped significantly. almost fatally. Serotonin plays the role as a neurotransmitter. Because of this drop, i now enter into being 'Clincially Crash'. Suffering from anxiety, irritability, inability to concentrate and diminished motivation to start or to complete daily tasks. In extream cirumstances, mild depression may occur.

ugh.

i dont think i have a serious withdrawal, but i can still feel it inside me. its not quite gone yet.

Espresso is 100% caffeine + 3 packets of sugar = a typical monday morning for ms.taibah

May Allah protect us.

-taibah out

adults confuse me

Internet connection failed.
Sometimes I never understand the things parents do, we’ll just leave it at that.

Jay asked me once “what color are you today Taibah?” and I was rather puzzled by this question. This isn’t just a question; it’s a means of reaching deep inside you and your brain and trying to create a mutual agreement between the two. And then you pick a color and associate that with your conclusion.

The cool thing is, each of us has our own taste in colors. For instance, my favourite color as a child was purple and anything associated to purple. Yet I still like the color green and picked the lime-green over the deep satin purple my mother thought id be appealed to. I told Jay I was ‘salmon pink’ that day. I really don’t know why I chose that particular color, sometimes my brain tells me to say things without telling me why. My brain is like another human living inside me. It’s a very limited human though….do I sound insane at this point? Lol

What color are you?

Ive just taken a peek outside my bedroom window, its been raining earlier and the streets are still wet. I like the rain. This one time at work, at home depot, I was putting a transaction through for a customer, and we began talking about the intense rain outside. I says to him “actually, I enjoy the rain” and the man says to me “you have a sad sense of humour” to which he walked away with his purchase. To this day, I have no idea what he meant.

I like it when people contradict themselves, cause they usually end up looking like a fool and give off the vibe of a dishonest person to others. What idiots.

Someone told me today “never love your friend too much, because they might become your enemy. Also, never hate your enemy too much, because they might become your friend”…Im pretty sure this is a hadith. And to my darling that sent this to me, thank you, you’ve opened a few more doors for me to sit and ponder to.

Im eating jalapeño chips and im getting rather thirsty.

-taibah out

WTF?!

The Urban Dictionary Questionnaire - Nabbed from Zedd

Go to urbandictionary. com, and type in your answer to each question in the search box. Only use the first page.

1. Your name?
Taibah - taibah isn't defined yet.
now how lame is that??

2. Nickname?
Tibz - tibz isn't defined yet.
this is just stupid now.

3. What should you be doing?
Playing Freecell - playing freecell isn't defined yet.
i am about to scream.

4. Favorite Food?
Margaritas - A cocktail made with tequila, lime juice, and triple sec (orange liqueur). Can be made "on the rocks" or blended with ice; the latter version is popular at parties.
For the record, i order mine "virgin" so its alcohol free yet it still tastes good. I know its not a food, but im a drinks girl:P

5.Finish the line: "the best thing in life is __?
the fact I met Taibah - the fact I met Taibah isnt defined yet.
THIS ISNT VERY NICE...

6.Word to describe yourself?
Down-to-earth - An grossly overused, idiotic phrase which technically means "one who has no imagination." The funny thing is, the type of people who generally assign this quality to themselves are the artsy-creative type. To many drugs will do that too you.

I pray you arent laughing at me at this point..ahh who cares, im laughing too :D

7.Where did you go today?
Starbucks - Starbucks, also known as, crack for rich people
Even though i did not make any purchases for myself at Starbucks today, i still boycott that fake place. How can i possibly let down my faithful friends at SecondCup, Kevin gave me 2 stamps on my punchcard last time i was there. ohh and nothing beats the caramel corretto.....coffee deprived? oh yesss

8.Where do you work (worked)?
Mall - A place where teenagers go to waste thir lives away.
Agreed.

.....

this stupid thing was a pure waste of my time.

-taibah out

when the world issues a clash

it takes alot for me to get really upset, and people seem to push my nerves for unknown reasons. am i upset right now? yes, i am indeed.

maybe im just sad, perhaps im the one with issues....

whatever the case, im just so bloody tired. its a neverending story with a heartbreaking ending.

fuck, someone just shoot me.

*sniff*

-taibah out :(

after a 65pc dinnerware set falls on my arm....i cried

the walk to work

today i walked to work. it wasnt very far, but i REALLY enjoyed the walk. i began humming to myself "sun is in the sky oh why oh why would i wanna be anywhere else??" its from a song from Lily Allen.

the sun was literally singing with me, and the breeze was cool and welcoming. i walked the entire way smiling :D

i havent been eating properly lately, yesterday i barely ate anything and i wasnt hungry. today i ate a tablespoon amount of a steak and drank lots of water...im really not hungry and its kinda weird. im also very proud of myself, i havent had any caffiene this weekend :D subhanallah, it feels odd.

-taibah out

food for thought?

A friend of mine showed me a very interesting book she had just purchased. Its called "50 Rules Kids Wont Learn in School", written by Charles J.Sykes

its a book i wish to purchase one day, as i think its a great read. kinda like one of the things you'd find in the "Self-Help" section at Chapters (btw, that my FAVORITE section at Chapters :P )

i was able to jot down some notes from the book, i thought it'd be cool to post them on the blog....

Rule#1: Life is not fair. Get used to it.

-the average teenager uses the word "its not fair" 8.6 times a day!

-you cant control the unfairness in the world. what you can control, is the way you react. how you respond will determine what kind of person you will become

-usually, complaints about unfairness have nothing to do with justice, but are simply a reaction to finding out that you have to take responsibility for your life, that you are accountable for your actions, that your choices have consequences, that you have to work for money, that you have to fix something you broke, that you do not get rewards that others have earned while you played video games. none of this is unfair

-disappointment is a symptom of life, not a sign that the world is ripping you off

....

i just realized i wont be a teenager for much longer. how sad. i get to join the 'twenty-something club' in a few months...dang, this is too scary :(

-taibah out

DONE!!!

yup yup

all done! alhumdulliah, it feels great, even the weather outside is celebrating with me :P

ok, i think ima clean my room, i got a pile of clothes i have yet to put away, and im still trying to change my light fixture, but i dont wanna kill myself since the wiring might be confusing to get staright.

hmmm, i want to crawl back into bed and SLEEP all day, but something inside me is telling me not to. Oh wells, i got stuff to get done, and yeah....

...this entry is really boring and pointless :)

-taibah out

too beautiful

take a peek outside your window, gorgeous outside isnt it? but no, i get to be stuck inside reading my stupid textbook and doing old exams...*sigh* the joy of finals. in less than 24 hours i will be FREEEEEEEEEEEE

not really free, i got a crazy amount of stuff to get done before the end of next week. its like my list of never-ending to-do's. it keeps getting longer and longer. Im taking one summer class also. Managerial Accounting, it sounds to be rather interesting, but we'll see how that goes.

ive been doing some cover letter writings too, we'll see how job hunting goes for this summer.

just saying the word "summer" makes me excited. Summer means painting, gardening, going out with friends, the park, outdoor volleyball, kite flying, family BBQ's, soceer sundays, CAMPING, insane thunderstorms, lightning shows, long walks in the late evening, rollerblading at night....endless memories.

i need a glass of water, and then its time to hit the books.again.sigh.

-taibah out

camera magic

this is what happens when im trying to clean my room, i end up throwing things into piles, and then me and the camera attack it. cool eh??



-taibah out

waiting for a saturday

In my attempt to stay focused on exam prep and studying, i tried to promise myself to limit the usage of msn, facebook, and blogging. I think ive been pretty generous actually. Cant wait for this week to be over.


the above picture is random stuff sitting on my dresser. I REALLY like the skin on my cellphone As you can prob. guess, i like eye makeup from The Body Shop....

-taibah out.

because we all love cake

fo'realz?

do i hate everything in life? no.

do i complain alot? no. i dont wish to admit i do. infact, i dont complain alot. im just like every other normal person out there who loves being outspoken at the right place and at the right time. you gets me?

do i ever smile? of course. bad things happen to everyone, i just like to over-analyze words and situations to the point i even forgot why it even happened or who said what. Is that a good thing? im not even sure myself.

one of my readers tells me to write about something controversial. i would, if i could find a controversial issue that i dont mind ranting about, got any ideas, send me an email :D.

i noticed how my blog is simply "me...me...and ME!", which must get dull afterawhile. i guess i should throw in some extra spice into this mix and see where we end up...

stay tuned fellow readers! i might be gone for exams so wish me luck, i shall return with some wicked posts

-taibah out

Habibi - Je T'aime!

So after i finished attending Jummah on campus today, i took off with my sister and friend to the bus stops. We decided to walk outside cause they had outdoor event going on, not sure what it was, but they had a terrible DJ lol.


Today was the first time ive EVER had to ask for a transfer on the bus. It was scary :( The thing is, i was trying to get my earphones on while my friend and sister jumped on the bus. So after i finally got my earphones on, i went on the bus, i asked the bus driver for the transfer and made my way to the back of the semi-full bus. We were on the #60, the scary bus that goes 'downtown' so i was rather fascinated by the people around me. We later caught the #24 which was rather interesting, the guy near the corner slept the entire time.

To keep myself entertained, i had throw on my earphones, right now i got some stupid songs on my NEW ipod (yup i finally decided to get a new one :D ), but i got this song called "Habibi -Je T'aime", its part english, part french, part arabic. I didnt realize i had my ipod on repeat so it was playing quite abit. i didnt mind tho.

Im getting strange thoughts:

-ever been around one person who you normally get along with, but for some reason you're feeling agitated??
-ever felt the need to say something to someone yet couldnt find the courage to actually say it?
-ever wanted to run away and try hard not to look back but the first step out is the hardest?
-ever had a mental breakdown?
-ever wanted to drive forever?
-ever wanted to cry forever?
-ever wanted to slap someone as hard as you can and then beg for their forgiveness right away??
-ever wanted to sleep all day and wake up feeling like a new person?
-ever wish you were given a second chance?
-ever been thrown into a deep circle of regret?
-ever had that feeling you're being watched as you walk down the road and keep turning arond to see how it is, yet you dont see anyone?
-ever felt like life was turning the wrong way and you think its gonna turn to help you later?
-ever felt grossly disgusted by an act you once thought was normal?
-ever had that feeling of lonliness hit you hard?
-ever wanted to say you're sorry, or want to admit it was your mistake yet you cant even look at yourself in the eye in the mirror
-ever wanted to smash a mirror when you find yourself in deep regret?
-ever wanted to hit the walls so hard that the pain wouldnt leave your fists??

-ever had the feeling you wont be able to change the mistakes you've made
-ever had the feeling you know you've gone tooo far and you cant turn back but rather stop and change you keep going?
-ever wanted to re-create yourself for a better future for others?
-ever walked into an exam and begged yourself not to walk back out after writing your student number on the exam booklet?
-ever had that feeling that you know you're about to fail at life?
-ever wanted to prove the world who you can be, yet never had the time to show it?
-ever wanted the world to know how smart you are and how special each person yet cant even get past their own self?
-ever been afraid of the eyes starring back at you in the mirror?

NO! im not clincally depressed and i havent killed anyone which is making me sound like an emo-child. im just reflexing on life. again. damnit. why do i feel so cold now??

-taibah out.

visa card

the other day i was at the mall buying sunglasses. Sadly, my favorite pink ones died during our ski trip :(

i crashed into a guy while going down the slope and tumbled 8 metres, it was quite a bad fall as i ate a shitload of snow. im very bitter about the ski trip (due to some issues i have with certain people who were there) so dont mind me swearing. I also was in alot of pain once i untangled myself from the guy's skis lol.

After the dude made sure i wasnt hurt, he quickley finishes the slope and ive never seen him since. I sat there waiting for either a friend of mine or my sister to come along and help me back up on my skis. As one of my friend's made her way down the slope (yup, she walked) she realized i wasnt wearing my pink shades. Our conversation went alittle something like this:

ME: OMG! Where are my sunglasses! i need them :(
Friend: you were wearing sunglasses during your fall??
ME: Well yeah! of course i was, how else am i suppose to ski??
Friend: What color were they?
ME: pink :(
Friend: Ummm, this looks something like it may have been apart of it.....*grabs piece of sunglasses stuck to my scarf*
ME: HOLY SHIT! MAN THIS DOESNT FEEL TOO GOOD :(
Friend: *glances around the area in which i landed after the fall*....ummm taibah, i found them, err whatevers left of them
ME: lets see ...*walks over*
Friend: *hands over last remants of my beloved pink shades* im sorry taibah :(
ME: DAMNIT I HATE THIS PLACE! I HATE THE FAG I CRASHED INTO, WHY THE FUCK DIDNT HE MOVED WHEN I SCREAMED OUT AT HIM?!

Friend:..well how much are your pink shades worth?
ME: thats besides the point my friend! i wont find a pink pair of sunglasses like these crooked ones i once had...

When i got home after that DREADFUL DREADFUL bitter bitter ending that i had with some...people after the ski trip, i placed my sunglasses which were in 2 pieces on my desk. The next morning my mother discovered them and questioned me as to how it happened. i told her it was too "painful" to talk about, but she was able to squeeze the story out. then she told me i was being "silly" for keeping the broken pieces, i watched her throw them into my bedroom trash can.

After walking to the mall to catch a bus to school afew days ago, I decided to grab a Caramal Coretto (my usual coffee fix) from Second Cup, as im sipping my drink and walking down the hall towards Chapters, my eyes get distracted by the Sunglasses Kiosk. I decided to take a quick peek at the stuff they had. They didnt have any pink shades that appealed to me, but i did find another AWESOME pair that looked great one me. I bought it. But i left my visa card by accident with the cashier.

I didnt realize it until Mall Security gave me a call, they already had me on record, cause ive left my visa card at another shop in the mall before.

I tried not to advertise this incident until my parents knew. They were kinda ticked as this is the 2nd time ive been careless with my visa. But now that they know, you know :D

i would do anything for a caramal caretto right now....

-taibah out

black nailpolish makes me cringe..

Im on campus right now. My network sucks so im using Microsoft word to help me write this, as soon as I move to an area with better network, this shall be posted.

Im eating manicotti, from Buccancinos Resturant on Osborne. I also have some Fettuccini Alfredo from there aswell. Ive decided to drink a lot of water today, I feel tense for unknown reasons.

I got my phone bill in the mail, it freaked me out. Its over $500, and I tried really hard not to cry. I then realized I shouldn’t worry too much, I paid over $300 late last week, and therefore it wasn’t shown on the latest phone bill…I hope I don’t have to pay over $200 for this next one.

Im not even sure why the bill is soo high. I guess I’ll have to take a painful peek at it again once I get home. Come to think of it, I cant remember where I placed those papers. I think its in the pile of my other monthy bills sitting on my desk. I hope to God I haven’t left it lying around in the living room…

Water never tasted sooo good today…

-taibah out.

lines

Taibah aka T-BANG! aka Ñïkki 266- BLOG UPDATE says:
people come up with weird nicknames for me too
Zedd, but some call me 'bitch' says:
Lol
Zedd, but some call me 'bitch' says:
Fo shizzle, taibahnizzle


-taibah out

april brings allergies in full bloom

so today was rather intersesting. Allow me to explain......

I was at the movies last night, i watched 'Dr.Seuss' Horton hears a Who', i really didnt want to watch this movie. infact, i didnt even want to be at the movies. first off, who goes sees a movie on a thursday night?! NO ONE! second, grant park is far :( and lastly, i have waaaaaaaaaaaaayyy better things to do than going out to see movies.

The movie overall was REALLY good for a cartoon. Wait a minute....what am i saying??? its a cartoon! of course its gonna be good lol.

Afterward the movie, the time was roughly 10:30pm. I wasnt in the mood to head home, so we set off to my FAVORITE coffee shop, Second Cup. We decided to hit up the cosy location on corydon ave. I really like this location of Second Cup, the workers are so sweet and the people that sit inside are so....decent.

When we park the car, the other 2 individuals im with decide they'll wait inside in the car and not grab anything to drink. Such a disappointment actually, so i went inside alone. For a thursday night at 10:45ish it was pretty busy surprisingly.

I got a Caramel Corretto, no whipped cream yet with Caramal Drizzles. ohhh caffeine, how i love theee :D

I then decided i should head home, as i had stuff to finish up.

By the time i decided to head to bed, i wasnt tired at all. And it hit me at 4am-ish, i was on a caffeine high, therefore i wasnt tired because i had consumed my drink very very late in the evening. Sadly, i had to stay awake all night.

It wasnt till after i prayed fajr was i able to finally snooze off. I awoke later to get ready for school and jummah. For breakfast i had a peanut butter and banana sandwich, it was amazing.

I went to school, and attended jummah, afterwards i spent the rest of the time in the company of some friends. After that, i decided to grab a bus home. While im standing outside in the bus zone area thingy, i looked up at the buildings infront of me. Before i knew it, my bag was on the floor, my ipod was shut off *GASP* im sifting through my camera adjusting the settings. i look up and see a group of asian girls

"omg, why is she taking pictures of the campus?"

i was like...meh, screw you guys lol

i then walked to the empty bus shelter, the seats were nice. i turned my ipod back on, and for some reason i felt so happy. i started singing along with ipod in the bus shelter. only because it was an empty bus shelter:

Sun is in the sky oh why oh why ?
Would I wanna be anywhere else
Sun is in the sky oh why oh why ?
Would I wanna be anywhere else

When you look with your eyes
Everything seems nice
But if you look twice
you can see it's all lies


-taibah out

Memory Cards

i have my own camera, i purchased it last summer. it took me years to finally decide which one i wanted. Thanks to previously working at a camera store, i knew what to look for. I decided on a Nikon Coolpix L11, the only camera which comes with a "standard" 2 year warrenty.

the camera works great. ive compared images ive taken with 2 other cameras, my dad's olympus, and my sister's olympus.

i knew that i was looking for a camera with AMAZING picture quality, and you can easily take amazing pics with a nikon. The canon is also an great camera too, im not sure why my family is so keen on olympus :S

when i purchased my camera, i got an amazing deal. thanks to some former coworkers ;)
today ive been trying to format one of the SD cards i have. (i bought 2 along with my camera, cept ive never had to use the 2nd one), for some odd reason its not working.....

thankfully i still have my 1st memory card, both of them are 2GB so im not worried in regards to space etc.

-taibah out.

booster juice

I feel terrible today. I went to bed super late and woke with a migrane. I feel like crying, but im not gonna risk doing that where im sitting rite now.

Its been a very long time since ive said "today has been a great day"....i ask Allah to brighten my days with something that i can benefit with in this world and the hereafter iA. Ameen.

Ive been tested greatly by that thing called "friendship loyalities". Its a puzzling game, it requires requires 2 or more people who have held their strong ties of frienship bonds without any issues. Its quite sad to be bitterly honest.

*sigh*

i want a hug *hugs laptop screen*

-taibah out

turn into you

i know.
that girl you found.
she'll turn into.
the only thing you'll ever....

-taibah out