i steal from buttons aka ben

i stole this one from a friend of mine, buttons.

his name is ben, and he's like a fairy, im surprised purple glitter doesnt come out of his shoes when he walks.

dance trance

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WW_Cv6uHXHQ

LOL

yes, i know its sailor moon. minimize the window if you must, but that song is AWESOME!

FLASHBACKS!
in grade 3, i used to play sailor moon in school with my friends. i was always the blue one, sailor mercury. i dont know why i was given that charactor to be, but hey, she was cute :P
her eyes are beautiful....

Shoulder Pains....ouch

saturday, i went skiing.

it was alright, rather eventful, bitter ending to such a beautiful day indeed.ugh, pm me for details if you care.

so i missed out on chill-time with some friends, it really sucks, if not hurtful more than anything. for the record, i dont like being shunned out, unfortunatly, that happens alot with me. if not, more lately than ever.

makes me question, where did i go wrong? what have i done that bothers people? arent i worth anything? not even a friendship?

let it be known, it takes alot for me to be pissed off, and when someone reaches that point they hit the last nerve. bitter? oh yes.

i make people cry, i am nasty.

i awake sunday morning with intense shoulder pains, i cant even get my jacket on for work :(

burnt toast

bitter,bitter,bitter,
bitter,bitter,bitter,
bitter,bitter,bitter,
bitter,bitter,bitter,
bitter,bitter,bitter,
bitter,bitter,bitter,
bitter,bitter,bitter,
bitter,bitter,bitter,
bitter,bitter,bitter,
bitter,bitter,bitter,

ok.
done.
-taibah out

stay tuned for details!

May I borrow your ipod?

Ever traded your ipod or mp3 player with a friend for a few days?? I have, and its AWESOME!

Sometimes you hear the coolest songs that someone else is groovin to and you never knew it existed. While doing a switch of ipods with my friend's, i came across several songs ive never heard about, heres one that i just love (sorry i cant get music on my blog just yet, so enjoy the lyrics till i figure out how to add the music) :

With that being said, anyone wanna trade ipods?
:P

Song: Way Back Into Love

I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need them again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I wanna do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's gotta be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions

All I wanna do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I wanna do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end

-taibah out

MSA Conference 2008

SubhanAllah, im still alive :D

I was diagnosed with a fever late tuesday evening. To be honest, it was brutal. I reached the climax of my fever on the weekend unfortunatly, alhumdullaih, today im doing much better. Im at the last stage of my fever, the "coughing" phase. Perhaps i'll be able to head back to work on wednesday which is when im scheduled for next. I got my mastercard to pay off :(

On Friday, I took my brother inlaw and sister out to Earls. I ordered the exact same food i ordered when i went to Earls on my birthday. My drink was fantastic as usual, the virgin Sunset on Saturn was delicously bitter for my liking. I was drained of all my energy by the late afternoom, yet i took my mother and brother to attend an evening seminar. For thoes of you that know me quite well, im bitterly honest. The seminar was quite boring lol. It was over-rated and i just couldnt quite relate to anything the speaker was talking about. Regardless, i realized that car rides are quite soothing when you're not feeling well.

On saturday i was suppose to attend 2 workshops, yet due to my health i decided to spend the morning at home. Later on, i recieved a phone call from a friend to help her out with some last-minute conference planning. I realized it was better than staying at home, and i didnt mind getting some fresh air. I left home at 3:30pm and spent about 2 hours at the mall with her, during which we spilt up cause we were pressed for time. We lost each other for about 20mins, and unfortunatly she didnt have a cell phone with her. Alhumdulliah, things turned out well in the end.

We headed out to the conference venue, the University of Winnipeg. By this time, my meds had worn off and i was really shaky. I was having trouble focus and trying to keep my thoughts clear. I mentioned to my friend I was gonna head home, yet she insisted I chill until dinner. My task at the UofW was to blow balloons. I swear, i almost passed out. During the quick 15minute meeting at the UofW, my head wouldnt stop spinning, i needed to sleep.badly. Everything dicussed at that meeting just flew right past me. Nothing made sense. I needed to go home. I needed my bed, and most importantly, i needed some advil.

We arrive at the restaurant later, to which i realized i hadnt prayed maghrib salat. i began to freak out and decided to pray just outside the restaurant, near a stairwell. My clothes were alittle dirty, but i didnt really care at that point, i've prayed in worst conditions before lol.

We're sitting around and all the others show up, i got a vip spot, right next to a speaker, but due to my health conditions, i wasnt able to enjoy the evening as much as everyone else. Halfway during dinner, i open my purse, looking for something, and i notice a small white tube, i pull it out and realize its my emergency tylenol tablets! subhanallah! it was one the happiest moments of my life lol

its werid, cause i never really noticed them before. The food was alright, the restaurant was Bangkok Thai. The valentines decorations make the place look kinda cheesy, but the building was beautiful. Me likes stones.

After we pay for our bills and leave the restaurant, i realize once again, that car rides are soothing when you're not feeling well. I wish we listened to Spice Girls in the car.

At home, i was craving some fruit cocktail. I decided to grab a can of the mixed fruit from the basement. As i get downstaires, my bones cracked. it was terrible. I wouldnt have put myself in the situation to go downstairs, except, some people thought i was "faking" my sickness.

My parents sent me to bed early. I didnt mind at all.

The next morning, i wake nice and early. After freshing up and getting ready, i ate a fantastic breakfast. I had a glass of apple juice, 2 glasses of water, 3 pancakes and 1 advil. Alhumdulliah, things were looking great. Just as im about to walk out of the house, i realize i forgot my cellphone still plugged into my phone charger, next to my bed. After grabbing that, im the last to leave the house. My bones crack again, as im welcomed by the cold outside. Thank god for another soothing car ride.

We reach the conference venue, and im craving water. My head was alittle breezy but i knew i'd be ok. I attend the first 2 lectures. I leave once to grab some tissue, and i leave again cause i get a phonecall from my parents. The lectures were very welldone.

We break for salat and lunch. Lunch was actually pretty good. I got a Veggie and Cheese wrap, poultry doesnt quite appeal to me as much as cheese does. There was also some seafood kinda wrap, but me and seafood dont quite go hand-in-hand lol.

As im walking out of the eating area, i get whisked into being a 'Greeter'. oh joy , oh joy.
Basically i sit pretty behind a table, mostly im just blowing my nose. But i give conference attendees their dinner tickets, a folder for doing some note-taking, and a complimentary pen. It was fairly quiet for the most part. But i did have some interesting, if not CREEPY people come by. For instance, the elderly man who was giving me the stare down. The group of 6 abourignal 10year olds who began begging me for money. To be bitterly honest, i was freaked out of my mind. i kicked my bag under the table and prayed they wouldnt notice the donation box which was for money sitting infront of them.

However, it wasnt all too bad sitting behind that table. I downloaded FreeCell, Solitare, and Crash Bandicoot racing onto my cell phone. There were some youngsters who were suppose to be in the conference lecture but were wandering around the campus. I decided to give them a good yelling, to which they silently were escorted into the lecture.

Finally, it was breaktime for asr salat. I thought my Greeter duty was over. But i thought wrong. I had to stick around for abit more, my brother inlaw took over for me. I attended the last lecture and it was GREAT! I cried in that lecture, but it was good type of cry. No, it was more like a cry that said "my-meds-have-worn-off-i-want-to-be-at-home-now"

I had to leave the session to grab some tissue from the bathroom, and to give my hands a good washing. They felt really dirty for some reason. I came back, and notice how the comments near the end were really repetitive.

As im heading out to pray maghrib, i get REALLY REALLY shaky. I needed to be at home, in my bed. After the prayer, im walking back up the stair, and get stopped by an uncle asking me if im ok, even one of the speakers at the conference approached me too. By the time im standing outside the eating hall, tears are streaming down my face, and i cant control it this time. I asked my mom if we could skip dinner and just go home. My sister insisted i was faking.

Sitting through dinner was painful. So was standing in the food line. My other sister realized i was gonna fall apart soon, so she sent me back to our table and offered to bring me a plate of my food. It was great to hear that from her. I eat quickley, and halfway through, tears spring out of my eyes. It was unintentional, so i try to get rid of them quickley.

After a bitter ending at the conference with some....people, i was quite happy when i arrived home. I collapsed on my bedroom floor. Mom brought me my meds, dad gave me my apple juice, iman put away my laundry and got my bed ready. After praying isha, i was forced to go to sleep. Ididnt mind at all. I got into bed, and cried all over again. It really was a good cry. I fall asleep for a few mintues, and wake up again. My laptop is calling so i decided to just do my daily run-through on the internet. After falling asleep through a convo with a friend on msn, i wake up use the washroom. While im trying to blow my nose, i get all frustrated with my nose ring. I decided to take the risk and pull it out. It felt AMAZING to blow my nose without that nose ring in the way lol.

I get back in bed, but i cant sleep. I doze off for few minutes, but its 1:30am, and i hear some noises. I decided to run to the kitchen to grab a fresh glass of water. Just as im heading back to my room, my sister and brother inlaw arrive home. Im too tired to welcome them back lol.

At fajr time, i fall asleep while im making dua. My dad sees me asleep, while im sitting and tries to get me back in my own bed. Im a deep sleeper so i awake afew hours later on the couch lol. Puzzeled, i head back to my room and embrace loveliness of my limegreen walls. I sleep and wake up at 3pm

its time for maghrib now.

-taibah out.

je suis malade

feels like im enhaling smoke today, i called in sick at work.....i shall continue later.

smile like you mean it....

Sadness. Such a deep feeling indeed. Being ripped apart, piece by piece. You can feel your mind shatter of all happiness.

Tears are words the heart is trying to say. Hot tears sting, they’re pain, sadness, and anger. Happy tears are light. They are easily brushed aside and dry much faster.

Laughter makes you forget about the sadness in your life.

Holding your face in your hands. Letting those hands catch those tears. Those tears are hot. Those hands, try hard to cover your face. Your face is twisted with such devestation of strong emotions. You cover your mouth. You get a migrane. Your head hurts, your brain wants to stop your heart from learning truth.

You want to give up.

You count the cuts, you played the game, you want to stop, you want to go back, retrace the steps, you played the game, you got the cuts. Damnit. Stop the truth, no more truth, I cant breath anymore. Choking on the bitterness of an evil act. Let it out, fuck just let is OUT!

No

No

No

Wipe your tears, don’t show your face. Wipe, wipe, wipe. How many times will I wipe? How many times will I hide? Years, months, days..no damnit. Life isn’t suppose to be like this. Why now? Why today? Why my life, why not yours?

Stuck in the shadows of my bitter past, leave me to rot in migranes, hot tears. No, you cant see my face. I’ve got games to play, and cuts to count.

taibah out.

migranes, ugh

i have a killer migrane.

im getting weird thoughts, my mom walked into my room earlier and was like...taibah? why are you curled up like that??

im like..mom, its a really bad migrane *burst into tears*

im done crying for today tho. personally, i think crying is healthy. i think, crying once a week keeps your brain in balance. lets call it "taibah's theory". Girls do that alot. I've had a crying session with a friend once. it was great!

i have alot of theories, wait for my book to be published for you to read ALL about them :D

the most bizzare thing happened to me over the weekend. i was walking with my uncle in the mall cause we bumped into each other there. he asked me what i was doing there alone and i explained to him which store i was a supervisor at. i didnt think he believed me, so he escorted me back to benix.

along the way, we hear a woman screaming 'HEY! HEY!', we happen to glance over in her direction and we soon realize she's screaming and looking rite at me. she comes along and says "were you the person who gave me my ECT??"

i was like.....say whaaaaaaaaaat?!

she's like....my ECT??? *spits as shes talking*

i realize someone's gripping my right arm and dragging me away. its my uncle "lets keep walking taibah"

"chacha whats ECT?? why is she asking me that??"

my uncle's reply...."ECT is a depression treatment. its for people who become so depressed they start hallucinating..."

my thoughts: why do the weirdest things ALWAYS happen to me :(

-taibah out

campus woes part 1 of 100,000,000!

my campus, is amazing. In fact i love it so much i hate it. From the washrooms that NEVER get cleaned in the education building, to the ladies who work at tim hortons and give me wattery coffee. i love it all.

i go to this fine academic institution called "University of Manitoba". We have terrible food places to eat, and our campus is so grey. The tunnels are so bad, you cant even send a text message while you're in them. Alot of places have NO RECEPTION at all, so if its an emergency and you have a cell phone, you're scruuudd.

im hungry rite now. i wish i brought a lunch to school but i was in such a hurry to leave. I would have brought lasagna for lunch too. Im drinking a booster juice however, and i gotta keep alive all day with it, or until i go home.

i think my rings look very pretty today. sometimes i match my rings with my noserings.

the girl sitting across me is having the most gayest phone conversation ever!
"you're so cute. omg we wore a kangaroo costume? *teehee*"

i keep glacing over at her, and her face is like this insane red color.

anyways....

the network here in university centre today, is terrible. i keep getting disconnected. i think ima connect my earphones now. this should be alot of fun.

seriously! im not a lazy person!

i think my siblings take advantage of me. i just paid my little sister $20, if she agreed to clean my room. she cleaned it quite well, cept ALL my clothes are in the laundry room, its 2 BIG loads that have to be done before i can get them all back :(

im not a lazy person. i just dont have time for things sometimes. i work 2 jobs and my life sucks :(

too little too late

i want to stop the passing of time. for just one hour. lets pause....

SO FREAKIN TIRED :(

i spent 11 hours at the mall on saturday. i have developed so much hate for that place. it was inventory night at benix. oh joy, oh joy.

you know what else i hate? the imbalance of the human body. lol, not making much sense am i? let me explain...

ever have days, where you heart wants one thing, and your mind doesnt? or your body wants to sleep but your mind wont let you? stupid mind *shakes fist*

by the time i finally got home, i couldnt stand, i was slurring all my words as i was trying to eat dinner leftovers bymyself and talk on the phone at the same time. i barely had enough energy to drag myself to my room to fall asleep. i was so overtired, so i kinda lay there for afew hours, until i finally fell asleep.

hours later, i get a phone call "hi taibah, wanna open the store today?", i wasnt sure if i was dreaming or if it was real, so i said "sure", and after hanging up the phone, i collapsed back on my bed. mumbling to myself 'dont wanna go to work, i dont wanna go to work. why the hell did i say i would open".

i figured since i had to open the store, i dont need to dress all fancy like they wanted us workers to do. i was part of the management team anyways :P

....

Shallow Memories

this is taken from my facebook profile. it was posted on dec.3oth. i've placed it here for yours to enjoy:

I've discovered a uniqueness in the human mind, and the creative ways of thinking. i dont know if it was me who discovered it, but im quite glad i did. sometimes, it feels like you wake up to days you cant taste the air, or your orange juice begins to hurt you as you take your precious sips of it reading the mail from yesterday. sometimes, it feels like you've walked for days but have only been sleeping for a mere 5 hours.sometimes, you forget what your name is and where you're suppose to be, or who you're suppose to please, but thats only cause you were dreaming.life is a circle, of fake smiles, petty conversations, and intense moments of breakaway thoughts. it isnt easy being green. "life is a struggle"-what an understatment. sitting, crawling, walking, talking...how many years did each phase last?? how much endless effort does it take to please the stranger of your eyes?? you see the bow and arrow, the arch of a distant item, the slender look as cherry as the sly fox, the hurtful tip that bleeds out the painful tears of a young heart.experiance isnt always everything. nothing should be based off that, its common sense which is making the world turn. in the opposite direction of course. who has common sense nowaday?? not the ditz working behind the counter at London Drugs.Its a clever act. only very few are skilled at showing their real face.indeed shallow thy mind of intense mistakes.ameen.

oh walmart! how i love theeeeeeeeeee :D

yay! its february!

we're on our last offical month of winter......i cant wait till summer to come back :)

yesterday during my break at work, i was craving chocolate. i decided to take a trip down to walmart-land and stock up on some candy.

as usual, when im in walmart...i end up in the stationary section. i bought some wicked funky looking pens and they're so full of juice! lol cant wait to use them :D

i decided to just buy a king-size caramik bar, that way when i get back to work i'll share it with rachelle.

walmart now has express lanes, and they're AMAZING!