im not running away.

im just running away from the pain.
it cant be broken, but it can be torn. you dont know how thats even possible, but apparently it is.
picking up the pieces, again.

-taibah out

and forte!

exhausted, and in much pain. damn kidneys! why arent you normal :(

my mind has literally opened itself up to me in so many ways over the past few months. i dont know whats the difference between right and wrong. good and bad. honesty and lies. truth and loyalty. what is the world coming to? what have i become? what did i WANT to become? people ive once trusted have vanished. bridges have burned. who is to blame? who caused this? what good has it done? what bad has it done?

ahhh life. you just keep getting more and more difficult.
thanks for the memories.

-taibah out

somehow, sometime.

frustration and anxiety are prob 2 of the most worst combination's of emotions you can put in yourself. sometimes we blame the wrong things for our own problems.

which comes to me at no surprise. But as someone told me today "the more you touch dirt, the dirtier you'll get', i realized the truth. And truth is; you're going to get hurt even if you try. Save yourself the ache and just develop the distance. Justice will prevail insha Allah.

-taibah out.

so what?

i start to compare alot of things that happen today to things that ive been busy with in the past.

i told a friend that im starting to give up aiming high in the dunya. theres just too many eyeopeners that im seeing much too often...

taibah out

without a goodbye

perhaps the best thing i can do for myself is simply....take a deep breath and let myself take a step back. once ive stepped back, the next thing to do is put my life ahead of me, and spread it out.

i speak so strongly about 're-evaluating' my friendships that its time i decide to raise the bar on myself. lets re-evaluate my life.

this has been on my mind for awhile now and alhumdulliah, without the distraction of anything else, ive been able to systematize all my thoughts.

i havent been able to pull results. nor do i plan on releasing the results once theyre ready, cuz il never know if the results are ever gonna be ready to expose.

put first things first.
Insha Allah,

theres a lot of work to be done.

-taibah out

the scene that you grow now

i have turned so selfish that it makes me sad. i blame my damn university for this. and my faculty. and my career choices. and why the hell does management class instructor have to be so difficult.

i cant complain now, theres an open window thats left. and i just gotta take it for what it is. Strategic Management, FUCK YOU!!! lol.

there honestly has to be a better day somewhere in the future, that i can look back at these days and laugh. and say "HELL NO" when i get a call for being an alumi and asking me to donate.

new rant: i hate charities that call you and refuse to mail you out packages about what they want you to donate for. and they expect me to trust them with giving out a credit card over the phone? i was almost late for work cuz of you!! :(

i wish finals were over. so i can stop studying in dafoe. damn starbucks in there is making too much money off me.

-taibah out.

pain is a warning that somethings wrong

-taibah out.

butterfly rings.

its been a oh-so-busy month. and i really hate how it started out and how it keeps playing out worse and worse. its practically daily something in life, that goes beyond my control, just shoots its way at me. and im much too exhausted to figure out what to do. im worried and anxious.

-taibah

want me girl? i'll be your man.

my hair stinks like chlorine, even after washing it twice with shampoo.
its been an interesting playout again this year. the crazy shit that happens is tiring.
my left arm is twitching. my back kills, i really gotta do those exercises with the exercise ball..

ive been feeling really pissed off lately. almost daily, something or someone HAS to say something to make my mood swing back and forth. i dont know if im allowed to blame anything for this. apparently not. theres afew things that really make my head pop. last week i let my head pop. altho ive been told countless times to simmer down, and altho i have been trying....sometimes i cant even trust myself.

want me girl? i'll be your man...

-taibah out

creepy scents.

 

why cant we just play the other game?

-taibah out

uh oh uh oh uh oh.

say its my fault, but i want it so much.
i can try to pretend, i can try to forget, but its trying me nuts.
...
you're a cup of tea. never the same each time.


-taibah out

texually active ;)

Do not trust your heart.. Cause its not on Right side"

Sometimes i guess you really just gotta go ahead with it. I'll try to breath easily, but still gotta be prepared to fail at the same time. I think our world is overrated.

-taibah out.

sliding down

can i get your hand to write on?

perhaps this is the first time, in a really long time that i finally paid the most attention EVER in school than ever. Too much to handle i guess, everything is much too important. damn group works. i hate getting coffee money from the rents'. happens i guess, esp this time of the year. why does feb screw me over all the time?

a new goal: finding peace, Insha Allah.

-taibah out.

broken nails

and as if i don't have enough of my own issues to deal with.
seriously, get real. if you cant handle a simple "how are you" then you, my dear friend, have issues. leave. this country.
idiots. and i feel no pity.
sue me.

i think i have some strange sleeping issues...

-taibah out

Back to Blogging

And welcome back taibah :)
woowwww, crazyy busy ass summer. worked full time, traveled, relaxed, got broke :)

it feels good to be back to blogging, lots to talk about, shall write back soon iA

-taibah out

when you're asleep

i have to be at work for 8am. its just after 7:15 rite now, and my tummy hurts :(

yesterday was my day off, however i work today and tomorrow and the day after that im heading to CALGARY for 12 days, insha allah.

i came home last night around 10pm. only to see my bike from about 10 years ago sitting outside at the edge of the house with a sign on it, as i walked closer to it i see "For Free" written on it. it made me kinda sad.

-taibah out

my windoww

everything in order in a black hole
nothing seems as pretty as the past though..

im waiting for a Monday to kick into full gear.
ahhhhh life is sooo tiring!!!

-taibah out

a day well wasted

"something to blog about", he says it with a laugh.
since when was blogging a bad thing?

-taibah out

Written by Bee

One by one you intrigue me.

You take a hold of me.

You have me trapped.

Not a soul to soul confrontation.

But a soul to soul manipulation.

You got me trapped not in a rebuttal

against wrong and approve of right

but a misunderstood precision.

I learned what love means,

not by being loved by you,

but understanding where you have guided me.

I learned how to see you

and yet you learned how to fool me.

I encouraged right you discouraged it pretty tight.

Your stares and smiles meant allot to me,

but for you it’s like exercise.

Opening them wide eyes, stretching them nice lips,

it all remains a mystery.

No doubt about your kindness, modesty, and wisdom,

but I’m talking truth to the unrelieved.

I gave trust to you, you dragged trust right out.

Layers and layers of unexplainable situations,

deep under tissues with covered skin.

I guess again time will change all that has begun.

I promised a promise that I will understand

why I have such strong feelings

for someone who hasn’t put that much into my system.

I promised a promise that you will always

remain something dear in my heart.

Even if I will never be you’re one.

I’m one on my own.

And one of many that are trapped in your circles

that are in one of small vessels.

A blood cell in your brain.

written by Bee

-taibah out