let the sunshine in

Seeing a smile on your face was so distant to me. Almost unknown, as if I was meeting you for the first time.

Im still learning how to blink back tears.

My thoughts were such a blur when I sat down.

I just wasn’t ready to do it yet. I hadn’t lined it all up yet.

To say whatever I wanted to, to tell you what the past few nights and days have been like.

Had it never happened, I would’ve been living back in my fantasy world.

Im kinda glad confrontations like that happen. But it’s only productive if you’re actually confident and know what to say. Doesn’t work when one person is a walking nervous wreak. You honestly caught me off guard. I debated for minutes with the text message.

I saw you looking for shooting stars, sitting in that sleazy bar. Things aren’t ever just what they seem. I know that something inside us is dying.

As usual, you played well. Impossible to read. What did you see that was written across my face? Those weren’t awkward silences, they were painful ones. We’re speechless, stunned and scared. Perhaps angered, maybe at one point felt sadness? Quickly, that sadness was turned into anger, and hatred. But not at you, at myself. It was always hard to ever be upset with you. You were much too perfect to criticise. I thought so anyways.

Maybe none of this matters to you…

But it isn’t over yet. Today was just the start of it…my waiting is over. I had been holding for so long. I was waiting way too long. Just waiting alone. Waiting for much too long.

For THIS I was waiting much too long. The waiting is done.

-taibah out