choking on a dream

i have 2 boxes underneath my bed. each one has a ton of stuff in it. while going through one of the boxes, i ran into my sketchbook from grade 9. it saddens me how at one point, i used to wake up on the weekends and do whatever i wanted to. i could stay in my pj's all day, i could watch tv all day, i didnt have to peek at my school books, or even go near the computer. within years, my life has changed so much.

as im flipping through my sketchbook, random bits of poetry are written here and there, and some of my artwork that i used to spend such precious time on still exists. :(

i miss the days of sitting in the basement during summer break, with a picture of Sailor Pluto infront of me, and me and my drawing pencils and sketchbook are the only things there. She was beautiful, and i spent so much effort on making her every curve and strand of hair perfect. Her eyes took the longest to complete and prob the most enjoyable thing ever.

as i flip throught the pages of my sketchbook, each drawing had a memorable story behind it, sometimes i write the date and times i complete the drawing, which makes looking at them more painful.

a golden rose, a lotus flower, the outline of hamzah's hand as a baby...

*sigh*

months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, seconds....where did it all go??

its like, a spice jar. you fill it up, and add to your pasta, your pizza sauce, your curry mix, until one day you just chake the bloody thing until you get the sense to open the spice jar up, and slap your forehead and say "holy #$!*! where did all the oregano go?!"....well darling, you used it up...

i dont want my spice jar to end so fast :(

my sketchbook was a mere reminder of where time has gone....

but if that was a sign to show me where my time went....where have i gone?

hmmmm....