last night's post

Anger is just a cowardly extension of sadness. It’s a lot easier to be angry at someone than it is to tell them you’ve been hurt. –Tom Gates

I normally hate Friday, because there is too much happening at once on that day. But now, I’ve began to hate Sundays. I guess you could say I hate weekends?

I feel over exhausted and tired on sunday afternoons. which is why im resulted to taken a nap around 3pm till 9pm and it feels great. its very refreashing and mind clearing it helps me to calm down.

people think im paranoid, that im a drama queen, that im over dramatic, that im over sensitive, that i take things too personally.

if more than one person tells you that in the time span of 3 hours, i think id have to agree with them.

i normally dont hate people for no reason. i give people the chance to ruin themselves yet i never provoke them to. i know people who are too good for words for themselves people who seem to be right about everything for no reason.

...this post doesn't seem to make any sense, its cause my thoughts are jumping inside my mind. theres too much happening, the world spins to fast, i have a migrane and im crying but i dont enjoy this cry. as each tear falls its pain and anger. its hot tears. i hate migranes, i hate certain people. i hate how people think im some sweet little thing they can just toss around. i hate how people think they can verbally abuse me, i hate how people dont listen to me. i hate being neglected. am i yearning that feeling of being wanted? perhaps..

i tolerate alot of bullshit in my life. esp these past years. its been a rough hike and im exhausted. but shit happens to everyone, not just me. i cant take any more steps cause my heart hasnt recovered from being stepped on and torn. the only things holding it together are the fragments of memories of me actually laughing, or me actually smiling.

why do i sound so sad?

i hold grudges but cant change that fact about myself. sometimes people deserve it. i find that whenever i talk to someone about how i deeply feel or try to make them understand they simply jump to conclusions. telling me that im the one whos wrong. its like...im the one with the screwed up views. or that i cant ever be the one whos right.

im sooo sick of tolerating people and their irrationalness of the human they've become.

i tried soo hard to see the good in people, try to shed light on thoes who've had a questionable past. it was a waste of time.

ive become a bitter person over the past few months, i dont find it to be healthy and no matter how hard i try to please certain people, try my best to create a happier me

i cant even write how i feel. as soon as one thought enters, another one comes 10x's as fast and thus the cycle continues.

i dont care who reads this and why. this is my blog. my ownership on the net.you got a problem with i have to say, then simply leave. i need to rest but i cant. my eyes are a deep red now and my head is pounding. the tissue box is full. i cant stop.

when i explain myself to others, they get the wrong message. my thoughts are a jumbled and sometimes only half the story comes out. this leaves the listener puzzled. and sometimes they'd give the wrong advice.

damnit, why am i still here???
my body wants to rest but my mind isnt letting it.
another caffiene high? no, god no.

am i upset? hell ya!

-taibah out