you're changing your heart

I didnt wear a black hijab to the event on thursday evening. Yes, my mother was rather shocked, not only cause of that, but cause i was wearing a skirt aswell. She's used to seeing me in my dark jeans from Bluenotes or The Gap, or my funky zip ups or neck-scarves from Bootlegger or Buffalo Shop.

I stepped out of my room that late afternoon, light brown blazer from Bootlegger, Embrodried shirt from Suzy Shier, and dark skirt from Aqua. My hijab was from Toronto. A printed brownish tan wrap around with breezy tassels. My black headband under the hijab was on too tight as my ears slightly hurt. I also stabbed myself on the top part of my left ear while pinning my hijab down. As im packing my purse with the nessasary items one usually has in their handbags, i pause to admire my nails.

They are smexy.

They're called Carribean Frost. Took me nearly an hour to do them the night before. I love the greenish blue color and the satin feel it gives. Theres no need to do a finishing coat of clear on them, as my nails simply have that natural look. Im rather satisfied with the shape of my hands and my nails. I inherit this amazing feature from my mother. Slender shaped fingers arent too common in the world, thankfully i have a decent shaped pinky unlike the rest of my siblings.

I zip up my purse and head out of the house. Careful to not step on the ends of my skirt, I take pride in the fact I know how to walk in heels. Working in a mall environment gives me the opportunity in watching little blondes trying to casually walk in the oh-too-tall heels. My shoes are from The Bay, and i loved them soo much i bought them in 2 colors. Both brown and black. My mother and I are both 7 1/2 in our shoe sizes. Its great, cause shes also crazy about shoes too. We both adore the Mary-Jane styles.

I arrive at the masjid side entrance. Only to notice its locked and im late for the program by roughly 15mins. I simply pull out my phone and call one friend to get her to open the door. Yet she doesnt answer. I called 6 people. None answered.

I walk to the main entrance of the masjid, and yes, the door is locked. Surprisingly, i was not frustrated. Instead, I laughed. I pull out my phone and call my brother. He agrees to opening the side entrance doors for me.

As i enter the main hall i enjoy the clickity sounds of my heels. I realize im not wearing the kuffiya my mother placed on my dresser. I notice im interrupting a calm event, and that i should grab a seat quickly. My first thoughts are 'NEVER WILL I PUT THIS MUCH EFFORT IN MY OUTFIT....unless its needed for a certain purpose. Took so long, gracias.

I grab a seat next to people i dont know. I dont mind, im in the House of Allah and therefore everyone can be my friend there, cause we treat everyone with mutual respect when we're there.

I listen to the speakers and the poems. I hear the sadness in their words. I see their emotions of pain in their voices. I understand their perceptions and views. My mind draws it in, one word at a time, one expression at a time. I look around me, and everyone is wearing the Khuffiya scarf...almost everyone. I did not wear one. The images on the walls describe suffering and pain.

You can call me heartless if you wish. But to be honest, i felt emotionless sitting there. My mind wanders, spinning at the quiet environment im in. "My mother died" makes me snap back into reality. I listen to the woman speak, she gives us a glimpse of her past, of her suffering, and her strong ability to tolerate. I admire her for this.

We begin our moment of silence. However, im not thinking of Palestine. Im not thinking of the suffering in the camps there. Im not thinking of the checkpoints and strong issues agaisnt the people of Palestine. I think of the Muslim Ummah and the lifestyle I live. I think of my own backyard, Canada.

Darfur? Kashmir? Afghanistan?
Simply because they arent part of arab nations, does that single them out of not having a moment of silence for them? They too are people who are suffering. They too are people who have pain. They too are people that live in camps. They too are people living in areas of civil unrest. Perhaps they were thrown out of their houses? Perhaps they were bombed too?

I think of the country I live in. Canada. Alhumdulliah, I live in peace, I walk around outside alone and no one asks me for ID to cross the streets. I get on and off buses without any fear. I work for my money and spend as I please. Being a female doesnt limit me in this country as it will in other countries. I practise my religion with pride and without fear. I live in a house, surrounded by people who mean everything to me. I can visit a doctor and the dentist within minutes. I can buy my food fresh. I wear hijab, to work, school and around to public places, taking it in with pride my identity as a Canadian Muslim. Yes, I do encounter ignorant people at times, but Alhumdulliah, nothing serious.

The point im trying to make is, yes, like many people, i live a good lifestyle alhumdulliah. and im rather satisfied with that. this puts me in a position to help thoes who are suffering and are less fortunate. My biggest thing is that, you dont have to ONLY help people who are ONLY Muslim or ONLY Arab. Arent we all human? Perhaps before jumping across the ocean to the desert regions of arabia, lets work on issues we face here, at home, in Canada. If you cant do that, then rather than focusing on one particular group, say Palestine for instance, let try grouping them together. Lets have a moment of silence for all the suffering people together. Lets all give the other places just as much importance we give to Palestine. Lets all work together, united, be muslim or non-muslim, we can fight for the rights of innocent people who dont know we're supporting them. Lets all raise awareness of places of people who live in pain and suffering. A non-arab has no superiority over a an arab, and an arab has no superiority over a non-arab. We dont do this for the sake of fame or something to brag about. Just dont limit yourself to Palestine.

do i hear a takbeer and allahu akbar?

-taibah out

ps. if you dont agree, thats ok. i still love you all.